Sunday, October 31, 2004
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Photo: Halloween with my home boyz
Halloween 1997: Two straight men played dressing up for Halloween. They made me proud!!!
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Perfect Relationship
Perfect Relationship
Are you in a relationship? Are you happy with your significant other?
James says: I still have no clue what my girlfriend is talking about. Again yesterday, she mentioned something about the better understanding thing and about how I dismiss the emotions in certain situations, but she cannot concretely tell me what I am doing wrong or what she would like me to do differently. Maybe she is consciously giving me some sort of test.
Looking back at other relationships, there always is some stuff going on suppose. I keep thinking that I will find a situation where there is not so much bickering, negotiating, and poor understanding and issues, but maybe that relationship does not exist. Sometimes booty calls are easier than relationships, haha!
Are you in a relationship? Are you happy with your significant other?
James says: I still have no clue what my girlfriend is talking about. Again yesterday, she mentioned something about the better understanding thing and about how I dismiss the emotions in certain situations, but she cannot concretely tell me what I am doing wrong or what she would like me to do differently. Maybe she is consciously giving me some sort of test.
Looking back at other relationships, there always is some stuff going on suppose. I keep thinking that I will find a situation where there is not so much bickering, negotiating, and poor understanding and issues, but maybe that relationship does not exist. Sometimes booty calls are easier than relationships, haha!
A Man's Perspective:
First Six Months of a New Relationship
Men often say that they cannot figure women out because “dude, you chicks are so complicated!” True that! I admit that we can be difficult at times but please! Do not make condescending comments like, “Is it that time of the month again?” That is straight up insulting.
Nonetheless, oftentimes we women cannot seem to understand the psych of the men we date; i.e. what does he think of me if I sleep with him on the first date? Why has he not called after we had sex for the first time? Why did he stop calling? Why has he not said the L word when we have been dating for 5 months? Why has he not introduced me to his parents?
Ladies, we are in luck!
My close friend…let’s call him Grumpy. He says I am his Snow White and he is Grumpy the dwarf. About six months ago, he began dating a woman and I kept all of our correspondence to chronicle his relationship with Betty. It allows me to probe into a straight man’s head while he is starting a new relationship. At the same time, it answers many FAQs from women concerning relationships.
When it comes to love, men are not as verbal as women are. Grumpy is quite candid with me throughout his relationship with Betty. Not only I get to see how he deciphers the strange things that women do to him but also it is a chance for him to speak his mind. It is very interesting!
In the Beginning of the Relationship
March 10
Grumpy: I met up with the Chinese girl Betty last night...a barbeque at a friend's house. It is odd that I would meet all these close friends on a first date. It was a decent time. Let’s see when she is going to call me.
Snow White: Isn’t it your job to call her up, especially after the first date? You should call to thank her for inviting you to the BBQ and tell her that you had a good time.
March 23
Grumpy: Betty called me yesterday but I had not called yet. I think she wants a deed fast. Will Betty keep her panties on if we go out again?
Men are better wired for doing deeds on the first date. I think if women do that a lot they become mentally messed up. Men and women are different. The way I see it is that if someone does me right away, she'll do that with who knows whom else. I mean I am nothing special, there are many men taller better looking wealthier more charming and so on...
My last girlfriend held off on her climax due to intimacy issue and she started to blame it on me...yet it went back to high school...her famous line was "it would be easier if I did not like you..."
I just know that every woman I meet and date has some shit, probably is serious that it has to be dealt with...it is just a matter of time before I find out what it is and then decide if I want to bother with it. I seem to get the problems that others have never heard of or had to deal with...
Snow White: You are getting more plays than any single guy I know. In the last month or so, you have been getting phone numbers from women all over the place! You must be doing something right.
March 24
Grumpy: I have a date with Betty on Friday night.
Snow White: Yeah! I have a hutch that you and Betty will ‘hit it off’; somebody is about to get lucky!
March 27
Grumpy: Betty was ready. It was GOOD. I don't understand this. Every woman I have laid hands on in the past year has wanted me the very first time.
Snow White: They find your sex appeal irresistible! Women just cannot wait to pin you down for a good time.
Three Months into the Relationship
June 3
Grumpy: Betty is doing something that would tick me off, that she should know would tick me off and doing it anyway. If she wants to sleep with someone else, there is nothing I can do about it. This is how I justify seeing others since this is very tenuous. I had a feeling that this sort of thing could happen, that she has that side of her.
When a girl describes herself as going after sex like a man, as wanting to be single when she left town once and told her guy that, and her friends warn you about her temper, “have you seen her mad yet?", what possible outcomes might I find. Betty has planted all these seeds in my mind. As I say, there is nothing I can do to prevent Betty to do whomever in whatever situation. I made it 36 years without her, and she 39 without me, neither one of us will shrivel up if it does not work out.
I don't need a woman really. I want one, but I don't need one. It is more than just sex of course.
Snow White: You have a constant concern that Betty is going to do other guys. She doesn't know that she's already pushing the button and ticking you off.
June 9
Grumpy: Betty and I spent Friday Saturday Sunday Monday and Tuesday nights together. I am in need of this break and may not see her until Saturday. We have not done anything in particular, food, sleep, TV, sex shopping. She says the stories of her being fast are in the past and taken out of context. We will see. Do not forget that she is in sales and is likely good at telling people what they want to hear. However, things are okay and it is partly my jaded self and things that have happened to me. There is not much else to say about that.
Snow White: It seems like you and Betty have been spending an awful lot of time together. She must be IN LOVE even though you claim to be nonchalant! You are so jaded when it comes to women. So far, Betty seems like a good catch. She’s losing interest in being part of the fast lane and is likely to slow down now that she has a man. That is a good sign. Though I don’t know her, I can understand what she’s saying.
During the 4th Month
June 16
Grumpy: I saw this woman on the train this morning...she was olive skinned and had a great shape, clearly worked out a little bit. I wanted to say hi, just hi, or tell her "nice pants" or something like that. I should not talk to her I suppose since Betty and I take that train sometimes. We could run into Theresa one day, Then Theresa knows of Betty. I don't think I want to bang other Women now, but flirting a bit is cool, is it not?
We will go to a couple of baseball games this weekend and will be meeting her mom and dad at one of them. Uh-oh, meeting the parents!
Snow White: Your urge to flirt is stronger than I had imagined. I admit that flirting is a feel-good gesture for the initiator and the one who reciprocates. BTW, how does she look like? Do you have her picture to show me?
June 24
Grumpy: I do not have Betty’s photo yet. She is pretty dark...looks very Asian. I am late today for work since I gave Betty a shag this morning.
Snow White: Be very careful when you describe someone as “Very Asian.” Woa! You met Betty’s parents. Despite little conversation, what did you talk about? There is nothing better than a morning shag to start the day right! Kudos to you!
June 25
Grumpy: As for Betty’s parents we really did not speak. We went to the Giant’s game, they sat near Betty, and I was on the other side. So maybe we will talk next time.
In my 30s, I have had lots of attention from women, but not in my 20s. You did not know me then. There is something they like. I told Betty last night that my course of action is to a. FEED HER and b. F*CK HER! We have been spoiling each other. Compared to her friends I have a lousy income/career. I do not feel at all inferior or intimidated. She says she feel intimidated by the good shape that I am in but I sometimes wonder what would happen if she met a guy who made more $$$. Hey, if I am canned for whatever reason, life will go on. You would still be my Snow White. I was thinking about deeds I have not done...I think it all evens out with those I did not foresee happening or those that came with little effort (you know the stories already)...more deeds would mean more trouble more than likely.
Snow White: Honestly, you get more hits with chicks than most single straight men I know. That’s truly a blessing!!! Betty has been such a regular element in your life. By now, you’re used to having her around and maybe for the first time in your life you feel that your life is more complete with her around. She is right. You are in excellent shape…36 looking like a 25-year-old. You should not have to worry about Betty hooking up with rich men. So far, you two are doing quite well and she doesn’t sound like she’s after money.
Any more morning shags?
June 27
Grumpy: Yeah I shagged this am too...
I had an odd conversation with Betty last night. We are meeting up later. I told her that we could go to my folk's house, eat, and relax since they would be gone tonight at some dance performance. She said she did not want to eat there, or be there if they did not know that she would be there. She also says that she thinks that they don't like her. THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW HER! Her conclusion is based on the fact that I have not spent as much time with them since we started seeing each other. So I told her that mom sends foods for friends and encourages me to share with people and that if I came over and had a gang of friends who she did not know and ate every last morsel that if anything that would make her happy. I told Betty she made no sense whatsoever. Sometimes people don't understand one another I guess. It is not a big deal, but it was really weird.
Snow White: Woa! You invited Betty over to your parents’ house. That’s a first step toward…introducing her to your family. You’re right. Betty made no sense at all. Your parents hardly know her. They have no basis to dislike her.
June 29
Grumpy: So we are all old and weird...I still don't understand Betty’s aversion to going to my folks' house, but on some things, we have to agree to disagree. We had dinner at Marin Joe’s on Friday, went to the San Anselmo fair on Saturday, laid around yesterday and then I came home. I think we may have been getting on each other's nerves or whatever. On Friday and sat nights in the bed she was pushing me away and complaining and fussing a lot. So come Sunday am I was a bit grumpy and she did not understand why. It is not really all her fault...she does some of this while she is sleeping and dreaming, but it still sucks to be pushed away in the bed, you know. Relationships are not easy and we have to take people as they are. The one thing I would like her not to do is nag about toilet seats and things like that...why nag me when I am doing the dishes and fixing toilets and managing her plants and cleaning her rug. And cooking...I am not a slob. She claims to be a control freak. I think most women are control freaks...when did this happen and why is it this way?
Snow White: Maybe…we’re old and weird. You and Betty have spent way too much time together. It’s hard not to get on each other’s nerves. It’s not fair to be grumpy when she didn’t know exactly what she did during her sleep. Most of us have been single for years and we’re most comfortable when we sleep alone. It comes natural to push things away in bed since we expect nothing to be there.
During the Fifth Month
July 8
Grumpy: I was in San Diego over the weekend and traveling with Betty had its challenges...more on that another time.
Snow White: Though I’ve never met woman friends of yours, I can imagine how difficult it is to travel with female companions. Traveling together allows friends to probe into each other’s private side. You don’t always like what you find out. After this weekend trip with Betty, would you say that she’s more difficult than your exes are while traveling on the road?
July 14
Grumpy: Betty had a lot of stomach ailments due to drinking and consuming milk products and stomach flu while we were away.
I do miss aspects of all my exes, or nearly all of them, but of course there were some problems with all of them or they would not be exes! Betty has these two sides as I may have said before. She is this good friend/sister/daughter who cares about the world and gives $ and time to charity and then she has so many shallow selfish friends she hangs out with and is saving up for a "snooty" car. It is of course still very early. While I have had no chances and have met no others I remain curious about other women, but I guess that will happen until I am dead or very old?
Snow White: Most people have this double-sided personality to them, me included. When I’m out, I am a social butterfly; during downtime, I can stay home, veg out and shut the world out completely.
I find it interesting that you still have this curiosity about other women. Perhaps it is human nature to always looking around no matter how good you have it in your life.
July 19
Grumpy: Betty just took off and I was thinking of your yesterday and last night. I also thought of you when I was under the comforter last night with Betty. Is it that bad?
Snow White: It is nice of you to think of me! Well, I did give you the comforter you sleep with every night. Does Betty know about the comforter?
During the Sixth Month
August 4
Grumpy: Hey! I received your package. I have the shirt...wearing it now and wore it last night...it is almost like having you in the bed with me! Betty is okay, there are good and bad features about her just like everyone else.
Snow White: I’m glad to know that you like the T-shirt and wear it often. Now you can wear the T-shirt to sleep under my comforter!
August 8
Grumpy: It was a tough week with Betty. She cut off the sex, said we were not gaining a better understanding. It degenerated to I was in it just for the sex, as though a guy would take a girl's car for a smog check and remove wallpaper and paint and pick up her pal at the airport if it was just booty call. She ended that talk by saying that she perhaps is just unappreciative and that is how she is. So I am not initiating sex. I don't want to be rejected! I saw her the last two days and we did only one deed. I mean, what the hell more could I do for her? Is it that she is nuts or is she consciously testing me out?
Snow White: Betty is way out of line this time. You are only in it for sex? You were only in it with the Skipper for sex but that’s in the past. Betty has confused herself with someone else! I can’t believe you did all that for her. I would be so grateful if you were my man! Maybe Betty is mental. She is crazy if she honestly thinks you’re in this thing only for the booty. Isn’t she in her early 40s? She should know better when it comes to relationship and men who are pigs.
August 10
Grumpy: I still have no clue what Betty is talking about. Again yesterday, she mentioned something about the better understanding thing and about how I dismiss the emotions in certain situations, but she cannot concretely tell me what I am doing wrong or what she would like me to do differently. Maybe she is consciously giving me some sort of test.
We had a good time yesterday, went to Point Reyes and looked around. Then we went back to her place, had dinner and a deed. Looking back at other relationships, there always is some stuff going on suppose. I keep thinking that I will find a situation where there is no so much bickering, negotiating, and poor understanding and issues, but maybe that relationship does not exist. I think booty calls are easier than relationships!
Snow White: Maybe you are catering to Betty too much. Some people have the tendency to keep scores of the person they are dating.
It will be ideal to be in a relationship with someone who can read your mind. You will not have to explain why you did this or did that. It is possible and it will happen. It’s all about timing….everyone I know who’s married keeps telling me the key point is TIMING. Our time has not come yet.
August 19
Grumpy: I am a bit tired today. I was away all weekend at a bachelor party weekend, drank way too much (I don't really like bachelor parties), then met Betty for lunch Monday, saw her Monday night, Tuesday night, Wed night and all day Wednesday too. She is not working hard now and likes to hang out. That is all fine and dandy but that takes time away from work. So I left my place early and went to the coffee shop and she was getting ready. Well then, she found a problem with a work thing, worked from my place and was way late. So I am getting late starts on the day. However if she had been on time she would have met my ex, who just happened to wander by the shop. She was there with her sister and best friend...f*ck, they are all so nice, nicer than Betty's friends and siblings. Oh well, there is always something. Betty is a lot of work...
Thanks for the pictures from your trip to Bali. You are so photogenic! I had to make sure that Betty did not see the photos!
Snow White: Why is it that Betty cannot see my pictures? Do you think that she would get funny ideas about us because of my pictures? So, where are you going to hide them? It seems like Betty spends a lot of time at your place. How can you make sure that she doesn’t find them?!
August 20
Grumpy: I put the photos away in a drawer. If she snoops, she will find them. I leave her alone there sometimes. She knows of you as well as where the comforter came from, but I just know that she will get funny about you for some reason. This morning I had to get out early. She took forever to wake up and get ready. She loves television and the f*cking set is always on. I just told her that I cannot lie in bed until ten every day. I will just leave her there.
Betty has been irritable about work. She knows of my family drama and so on. Then she gives me a bad time because she is unhappy at work. She has apologized for being difficult. Well when I am tired and frustrated, I do not take it out on her. I just want to go home and hide right now. I will wear your shirt and have your photos under your down. I bet the real snow white would be better!
Snow White: Why do you think Betty will get funny about me? Is it because I am also Asian / Chinese? Do you think it is dangerous to leave her alone in your apartment? Most girls love to snoop around while their boyfriends are in the shower or just completely gone. It is an excellent opportunity to look for items belonging to ex-lovers etc.
You do so much for Betty and she just seems ungrateful! If I had a man who is willing to do all that for me, I will be in heaven! She really should not give you a hard time even if she is not a happy camper. She can just go home and be miserable on her own until she is ready to be around others.
August 25
Grumpy: Are things better or worse with Betty than others are? I think about the same, there are just different issues to deal with. The other night she told me not to touch her. She was annoyed by something, but would not tell me what. How would I know what not to do that bothers her? She would not talk about it. Is this a conscious test or is this just who she is? I do not know.
As for your photos, well they are recent and sexy so she would not like them so much. I assume that snooping will happen. So I put things away-if they are found and I am told about them then I know she was snooping, right? There is no perfect solution to that so I take some precaution, but I cannot make this place Fort Knox!
Snow White: Why is it that most girlfriends cannot understand that their boyfriends need to maintain friendships with their very good good female friends?
Ultimately, do we have to choose between friends and lovers?
Do you draw a line if your woman asks you not to go out with friends? If you do, where do you draw the line then?
August 27
Grumpy: Betty has male pals, I have female ones, we know of this, and it is okay. I just somehow think that you - just a gut feeling, would threaten her.
I saw Betty less this week. She did some weird shit in the middle of the night on Tuesday. She woke up saying that she was not comfortable and that she did not want to stay here anymore. Then she said she did not know how I felt about her. She wanted the L word. I do not toss that word around very often, but after a bit I told her. I guess I do love her in some ways, but f*ck, is she getting to be high-maintenance? Love is not what it used to be - the overwhelming feelings, the thinking of the other person constantly. That just does not happen anymore, does it?
Snow White: You said WHAT to Betty? You did not. TAKE IT BACK! You didn’t mean it. You only said it because of the pressure from her at that time. I cannot understand why some women force the L word out of the guys they are seeing. Did she ever say the L word to you? Why do you have to take the initiative and say it first? If she feels that way, she could have said I love you and see how you respond to it. It is a mutual feeing when couples say the three magic words to each other. I just don’t think you mean it.
August 29
Grumpy: As for Betty asking for the L word, I just don't know if the woman is abnormal, autistic or consciously messing with me. Are all relationships like the ones I have always had, one good week, then a bad one, and so on? No, she has not said that she loves me. She once said that in a conversation with a friend of hers that her friend asked if she loved me and she told her friend that she thinks she does and that is it. So, in my book she had never told me. I think talk is cheap, but what one does is more important and shows what they are made of. I have had this trouble with women before since I am not so verbal, but I think my actions have usually, but not always, been pretty good. I don't think I can take back what I told Betty...but does she need to hear it every week or every day I do not know for she has not heard it since.
I seem to have almost no free time now because Betty takes a lot of energy. It seems like I sometimes am taking care of the girl.
Snow White: Betty is abnormal, autistic, and definitely messing with your head. Has she done anything that made you feel loved? Name one. I just want to hear it.
You know, you don’t seem to go “gaga” over Betty. Maybe you are not telling me everything. It seems to me that you’re lacking the passion for this woman. It has only been a few months and you are set in this comfort zone with her in it. I doubt it if that is love. How compatible are you two anyway?
You have your priorities. Career, Family etc. Maybe finding a long-term relationship is not very important.
August 30
Grumpy: This girlfriend is proven elusive. I just want a nice girlfriend. I think Betty does things that show she really cares...I believe she does. She has food and beers that I like stocked at her place, has purchased a shirt and tie that she thinks are good, and other things like that...plans fun stuff to do, obtains baseball tickets. There is an upside to her. Downside of course is this random moodiness, cutting off sex at times, shallow friends, yuppie tastes...it seems like she is trying to upgrade everything, maybe even her friends? My friends are very different. Am I in love? Probably not. Can I go gaga over someone again? Maybe not.
Snow White: What defines a ‘nice girlfriend?’ Don’t you think most women nowadays are elusive?
I think you can still go gaga over someone in the future. I really miss that feeling. I cannot remember the last time I was oooh and aaah upon meeting a guy.
August 31
Grumpy: She was all nervy last night as she put it...was really a pain. I just stayed quiet most of the time since there is nothing I can say or do sometimes. She seemed to settle down after a good hard f---. Then I gave her another this am and took off.
I went to Peet’s coffee today and I saw some lovely women downtown today. I think a few have liked my outfit...been too horny lately for some reason-full moon perhaps?
Snow White: You must be good in bed. You are so good that you could calm her down when Betty throws you her moodiness. Why didn’t you just go home? Or were you home? You should not have to take any bullshits from her. I agree with you that people should just be alone when they feel like they are about to explode.
BTW, Monday was Full Moon, in case no one told you about it.
Present
Grumpy: I am wearing your shirt nowadays and calling it my lucky shirt. Betty is in Boston until tomorrow. she says that she is the easy going sister and the sister she is staying with has so many rules around the house...says that she knows what it must be like for me to deal with her rules and says whe she returns, she wants to be nicer. We will see if she eases up. She has been calling everyday but I have not missed her that much...is that bad?
Betty’s 41st birthday is next week and we are going to Vegas in celebration of her birthday next weekend. I don’t know what kind of present to buy for Betty.
Snow White: So, you don’t miss Betty a bit? Not a teeny-tiny bit? Hmmm, that’s okay. You don’t miss her and that is the fact. I wonder if she misses you?
A Vegas trip AND a present? You are such a nice boyfriend. I’m more interested to find out if she will be grateful of all the nice things you are doing for her birthday. I wonder if she will still be unappreciative.
(Update: eventually it didn't work out. Oh well the next one is always better! Keep the faith.)
Men often say that they cannot figure women out because “dude, you chicks are so complicated!” True that! I admit that we can be difficult at times but please! Do not make condescending comments like, “Is it that time of the month again?” That is straight up insulting.
Nonetheless, oftentimes we women cannot seem to understand the psych of the men we date; i.e. what does he think of me if I sleep with him on the first date? Why has he not called after we had sex for the first time? Why did he stop calling? Why has he not said the L word when we have been dating for 5 months? Why has he not introduced me to his parents?
Ladies, we are in luck!
My close friend…let’s call him Grumpy. He says I am his Snow White and he is Grumpy the dwarf. About six months ago, he began dating a woman and I kept all of our correspondence to chronicle his relationship with Betty. It allows me to probe into a straight man’s head while he is starting a new relationship. At the same time, it answers many FAQs from women concerning relationships.
When it comes to love, men are not as verbal as women are. Grumpy is quite candid with me throughout his relationship with Betty. Not only I get to see how he deciphers the strange things that women do to him but also it is a chance for him to speak his mind. It is very interesting!
In the Beginning of the Relationship
March 10
Grumpy: I met up with the Chinese girl Betty last night...a barbeque at a friend's house. It is odd that I would meet all these close friends on a first date. It was a decent time. Let’s see when she is going to call me.
Snow White: Isn’t it your job to call her up, especially after the first date? You should call to thank her for inviting you to the BBQ and tell her that you had a good time.
March 23
Grumpy: Betty called me yesterday but I had not called yet. I think she wants a deed fast. Will Betty keep her panties on if we go out again?
Men are better wired for doing deeds on the first date. I think if women do that a lot they become mentally messed up. Men and women are different. The way I see it is that if someone does me right away, she'll do that with who knows whom else. I mean I am nothing special, there are many men taller better looking wealthier more charming and so on...
My last girlfriend held off on her climax due to intimacy issue and she started to blame it on me...yet it went back to high school...her famous line was "it would be easier if I did not like you..."
I just know that every woman I meet and date has some shit, probably is serious that it has to be dealt with...it is just a matter of time before I find out what it is and then decide if I want to bother with it. I seem to get the problems that others have never heard of or had to deal with...
Snow White: You are getting more plays than any single guy I know. In the last month or so, you have been getting phone numbers from women all over the place! You must be doing something right.
March 24
Grumpy: I have a date with Betty on Friday night.
Snow White: Yeah! I have a hutch that you and Betty will ‘hit it off’; somebody is about to get lucky!
March 27
Grumpy: Betty was ready. It was GOOD. I don't understand this. Every woman I have laid hands on in the past year has wanted me the very first time.
Snow White: They find your sex appeal irresistible! Women just cannot wait to pin you down for a good time.
Three Months into the Relationship
June 3
Grumpy: Betty is doing something that would tick me off, that she should know would tick me off and doing it anyway. If she wants to sleep with someone else, there is nothing I can do about it. This is how I justify seeing others since this is very tenuous. I had a feeling that this sort of thing could happen, that she has that side of her.
When a girl describes herself as going after sex like a man, as wanting to be single when she left town once and told her guy that, and her friends warn you about her temper, “have you seen her mad yet?", what possible outcomes might I find. Betty has planted all these seeds in my mind. As I say, there is nothing I can do to prevent Betty to do whomever in whatever situation. I made it 36 years without her, and she 39 without me, neither one of us will shrivel up if it does not work out.
I don't need a woman really. I want one, but I don't need one. It is more than just sex of course.
Snow White: You have a constant concern that Betty is going to do other guys. She doesn't know that she's already pushing the button and ticking you off.
June 9
Grumpy: Betty and I spent Friday Saturday Sunday Monday and Tuesday nights together. I am in need of this break and may not see her until Saturday. We have not done anything in particular, food, sleep, TV, sex shopping. She says the stories of her being fast are in the past and taken out of context. We will see. Do not forget that she is in sales and is likely good at telling people what they want to hear. However, things are okay and it is partly my jaded self and things that have happened to me. There is not much else to say about that.
Snow White: It seems like you and Betty have been spending an awful lot of time together. She must be IN LOVE even though you claim to be nonchalant! You are so jaded when it comes to women. So far, Betty seems like a good catch. She’s losing interest in being part of the fast lane and is likely to slow down now that she has a man. That is a good sign. Though I don’t know her, I can understand what she’s saying.
During the 4th Month
June 16
Grumpy: I saw this woman on the train this morning...she was olive skinned and had a great shape, clearly worked out a little bit. I wanted to say hi, just hi, or tell her "nice pants" or something like that. I should not talk to her I suppose since Betty and I take that train sometimes. We could run into Theresa one day, Then Theresa knows of Betty. I don't think I want to bang other Women now, but flirting a bit is cool, is it not?
We will go to a couple of baseball games this weekend and will be meeting her mom and dad at one of them. Uh-oh, meeting the parents!
Snow White: Your urge to flirt is stronger than I had imagined. I admit that flirting is a feel-good gesture for the initiator and the one who reciprocates. BTW, how does she look like? Do you have her picture to show me?
June 24
Grumpy: I do not have Betty’s photo yet. She is pretty dark...looks very Asian. I am late today for work since I gave Betty a shag this morning.
Snow White: Be very careful when you describe someone as “Very Asian.” Woa! You met Betty’s parents. Despite little conversation, what did you talk about? There is nothing better than a morning shag to start the day right! Kudos to you!
June 25
Grumpy: As for Betty’s parents we really did not speak. We went to the Giant’s game, they sat near Betty, and I was on the other side. So maybe we will talk next time.
In my 30s, I have had lots of attention from women, but not in my 20s. You did not know me then. There is something they like. I told Betty last night that my course of action is to a. FEED HER and b. F*CK HER! We have been spoiling each other. Compared to her friends I have a lousy income/career. I do not feel at all inferior or intimidated. She says she feel intimidated by the good shape that I am in but I sometimes wonder what would happen if she met a guy who made more $$$. Hey, if I am canned for whatever reason, life will go on. You would still be my Snow White. I was thinking about deeds I have not done...I think it all evens out with those I did not foresee happening or those that came with little effort (you know the stories already)...more deeds would mean more trouble more than likely.
Snow White: Honestly, you get more hits with chicks than most single straight men I know. That’s truly a blessing!!! Betty has been such a regular element in your life. By now, you’re used to having her around and maybe for the first time in your life you feel that your life is more complete with her around. She is right. You are in excellent shape…36 looking like a 25-year-old. You should not have to worry about Betty hooking up with rich men. So far, you two are doing quite well and she doesn’t sound like she’s after money.
Any more morning shags?
June 27
Grumpy: Yeah I shagged this am too...
I had an odd conversation with Betty last night. We are meeting up later. I told her that we could go to my folk's house, eat, and relax since they would be gone tonight at some dance performance. She said she did not want to eat there, or be there if they did not know that she would be there. She also says that she thinks that they don't like her. THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW HER! Her conclusion is based on the fact that I have not spent as much time with them since we started seeing each other. So I told her that mom sends foods for friends and encourages me to share with people and that if I came over and had a gang of friends who she did not know and ate every last morsel that if anything that would make her happy. I told Betty she made no sense whatsoever. Sometimes people don't understand one another I guess. It is not a big deal, but it was really weird.
Snow White: Woa! You invited Betty over to your parents’ house. That’s a first step toward…introducing her to your family. You’re right. Betty made no sense at all. Your parents hardly know her. They have no basis to dislike her.
June 29
Grumpy: So we are all old and weird...I still don't understand Betty’s aversion to going to my folks' house, but on some things, we have to agree to disagree. We had dinner at Marin Joe’s on Friday, went to the San Anselmo fair on Saturday, laid around yesterday and then I came home. I think we may have been getting on each other's nerves or whatever. On Friday and sat nights in the bed she was pushing me away and complaining and fussing a lot. So come Sunday am I was a bit grumpy and she did not understand why. It is not really all her fault...she does some of this while she is sleeping and dreaming, but it still sucks to be pushed away in the bed, you know. Relationships are not easy and we have to take people as they are. The one thing I would like her not to do is nag about toilet seats and things like that...why nag me when I am doing the dishes and fixing toilets and managing her plants and cleaning her rug. And cooking...I am not a slob. She claims to be a control freak. I think most women are control freaks...when did this happen and why is it this way?
Snow White: Maybe…we’re old and weird. You and Betty have spent way too much time together. It’s hard not to get on each other’s nerves. It’s not fair to be grumpy when she didn’t know exactly what she did during her sleep. Most of us have been single for years and we’re most comfortable when we sleep alone. It comes natural to push things away in bed since we expect nothing to be there.
During the Fifth Month
July 8
Grumpy: I was in San Diego over the weekend and traveling with Betty had its challenges...more on that another time.
Snow White: Though I’ve never met woman friends of yours, I can imagine how difficult it is to travel with female companions. Traveling together allows friends to probe into each other’s private side. You don’t always like what you find out. After this weekend trip with Betty, would you say that she’s more difficult than your exes are while traveling on the road?
July 14
Grumpy: Betty had a lot of stomach ailments due to drinking and consuming milk products and stomach flu while we were away.
I do miss aspects of all my exes, or nearly all of them, but of course there were some problems with all of them or they would not be exes! Betty has these two sides as I may have said before. She is this good friend/sister/daughter who cares about the world and gives $ and time to charity and then she has so many shallow selfish friends she hangs out with and is saving up for a "snooty" car. It is of course still very early. While I have had no chances and have met no others I remain curious about other women, but I guess that will happen until I am dead or very old?
Snow White: Most people have this double-sided personality to them, me included. When I’m out, I am a social butterfly; during downtime, I can stay home, veg out and shut the world out completely.
I find it interesting that you still have this curiosity about other women. Perhaps it is human nature to always looking around no matter how good you have it in your life.
July 19
Grumpy: Betty just took off and I was thinking of your yesterday and last night. I also thought of you when I was under the comforter last night with Betty. Is it that bad?
Snow White: It is nice of you to think of me! Well, I did give you the comforter you sleep with every night. Does Betty know about the comforter?
During the Sixth Month
August 4
Grumpy: Hey! I received your package. I have the shirt...wearing it now and wore it last night...it is almost like having you in the bed with me! Betty is okay, there are good and bad features about her just like everyone else.
Snow White: I’m glad to know that you like the T-shirt and wear it often. Now you can wear the T-shirt to sleep under my comforter!
August 8
Grumpy: It was a tough week with Betty. She cut off the sex, said we were not gaining a better understanding. It degenerated to I was in it just for the sex, as though a guy would take a girl's car for a smog check and remove wallpaper and paint and pick up her pal at the airport if it was just booty call. She ended that talk by saying that she perhaps is just unappreciative and that is how she is. So I am not initiating sex. I don't want to be rejected! I saw her the last two days and we did only one deed. I mean, what the hell more could I do for her? Is it that she is nuts or is she consciously testing me out?
Snow White: Betty is way out of line this time. You are only in it for sex? You were only in it with the Skipper for sex but that’s in the past. Betty has confused herself with someone else! I can’t believe you did all that for her. I would be so grateful if you were my man! Maybe Betty is mental. She is crazy if she honestly thinks you’re in this thing only for the booty. Isn’t she in her early 40s? She should know better when it comes to relationship and men who are pigs.
August 10
Grumpy: I still have no clue what Betty is talking about. Again yesterday, she mentioned something about the better understanding thing and about how I dismiss the emotions in certain situations, but she cannot concretely tell me what I am doing wrong or what she would like me to do differently. Maybe she is consciously giving me some sort of test.
We had a good time yesterday, went to Point Reyes and looked around. Then we went back to her place, had dinner and a deed. Looking back at other relationships, there always is some stuff going on suppose. I keep thinking that I will find a situation where there is no so much bickering, negotiating, and poor understanding and issues, but maybe that relationship does not exist. I think booty calls are easier than relationships!
Snow White: Maybe you are catering to Betty too much. Some people have the tendency to keep scores of the person they are dating.
It will be ideal to be in a relationship with someone who can read your mind. You will not have to explain why you did this or did that. It is possible and it will happen. It’s all about timing….everyone I know who’s married keeps telling me the key point is TIMING. Our time has not come yet.
August 19
Grumpy: I am a bit tired today. I was away all weekend at a bachelor party weekend, drank way too much (I don't really like bachelor parties), then met Betty for lunch Monday, saw her Monday night, Tuesday night, Wed night and all day Wednesday too. She is not working hard now and likes to hang out. That is all fine and dandy but that takes time away from work. So I left my place early and went to the coffee shop and she was getting ready. Well then, she found a problem with a work thing, worked from my place and was way late. So I am getting late starts on the day. However if she had been on time she would have met my ex, who just happened to wander by the shop. She was there with her sister and best friend...f*ck, they are all so nice, nicer than Betty's friends and siblings. Oh well, there is always something. Betty is a lot of work...
Thanks for the pictures from your trip to Bali. You are so photogenic! I had to make sure that Betty did not see the photos!
Snow White: Why is it that Betty cannot see my pictures? Do you think that she would get funny ideas about us because of my pictures? So, where are you going to hide them? It seems like Betty spends a lot of time at your place. How can you make sure that she doesn’t find them?!
August 20
Grumpy: I put the photos away in a drawer. If she snoops, she will find them. I leave her alone there sometimes. She knows of you as well as where the comforter came from, but I just know that she will get funny about you for some reason. This morning I had to get out early. She took forever to wake up and get ready. She loves television and the f*cking set is always on. I just told her that I cannot lie in bed until ten every day. I will just leave her there.
Betty has been irritable about work. She knows of my family drama and so on. Then she gives me a bad time because she is unhappy at work. She has apologized for being difficult. Well when I am tired and frustrated, I do not take it out on her. I just want to go home and hide right now. I will wear your shirt and have your photos under your down. I bet the real snow white would be better!
Snow White: Why do you think Betty will get funny about me? Is it because I am also Asian / Chinese? Do you think it is dangerous to leave her alone in your apartment? Most girls love to snoop around while their boyfriends are in the shower or just completely gone. It is an excellent opportunity to look for items belonging to ex-lovers etc.
You do so much for Betty and she just seems ungrateful! If I had a man who is willing to do all that for me, I will be in heaven! She really should not give you a hard time even if she is not a happy camper. She can just go home and be miserable on her own until she is ready to be around others.
August 25
Grumpy: Are things better or worse with Betty than others are? I think about the same, there are just different issues to deal with. The other night she told me not to touch her. She was annoyed by something, but would not tell me what. How would I know what not to do that bothers her? She would not talk about it. Is this a conscious test or is this just who she is? I do not know.
As for your photos, well they are recent and sexy so she would not like them so much. I assume that snooping will happen. So I put things away-if they are found and I am told about them then I know she was snooping, right? There is no perfect solution to that so I take some precaution, but I cannot make this place Fort Knox!
Snow White: Why is it that most girlfriends cannot understand that their boyfriends need to maintain friendships with their very good good female friends?
Ultimately, do we have to choose between friends and lovers?
Do you draw a line if your woman asks you not to go out with friends? If you do, where do you draw the line then?
August 27
Grumpy: Betty has male pals, I have female ones, we know of this, and it is okay. I just somehow think that you - just a gut feeling, would threaten her.
I saw Betty less this week. She did some weird shit in the middle of the night on Tuesday. She woke up saying that she was not comfortable and that she did not want to stay here anymore. Then she said she did not know how I felt about her. She wanted the L word. I do not toss that word around very often, but after a bit I told her. I guess I do love her in some ways, but f*ck, is she getting to be high-maintenance? Love is not what it used to be - the overwhelming feelings, the thinking of the other person constantly. That just does not happen anymore, does it?
Snow White: You said WHAT to Betty? You did not. TAKE IT BACK! You didn’t mean it. You only said it because of the pressure from her at that time. I cannot understand why some women force the L word out of the guys they are seeing. Did she ever say the L word to you? Why do you have to take the initiative and say it first? If she feels that way, she could have said I love you and see how you respond to it. It is a mutual feeing when couples say the three magic words to each other. I just don’t think you mean it.
August 29
Grumpy: As for Betty asking for the L word, I just don't know if the woman is abnormal, autistic or consciously messing with me. Are all relationships like the ones I have always had, one good week, then a bad one, and so on? No, she has not said that she loves me. She once said that in a conversation with a friend of hers that her friend asked if she loved me and she told her friend that she thinks she does and that is it. So, in my book she had never told me. I think talk is cheap, but what one does is more important and shows what they are made of. I have had this trouble with women before since I am not so verbal, but I think my actions have usually, but not always, been pretty good. I don't think I can take back what I told Betty...but does she need to hear it every week or every day I do not know for she has not heard it since.
I seem to have almost no free time now because Betty takes a lot of energy. It seems like I sometimes am taking care of the girl.
Snow White: Betty is abnormal, autistic, and definitely messing with your head. Has she done anything that made you feel loved? Name one. I just want to hear it.
You know, you don’t seem to go “gaga” over Betty. Maybe you are not telling me everything. It seems to me that you’re lacking the passion for this woman. It has only been a few months and you are set in this comfort zone with her in it. I doubt it if that is love. How compatible are you two anyway?
You have your priorities. Career, Family etc. Maybe finding a long-term relationship is not very important.
August 30
Grumpy: This girlfriend is proven elusive. I just want a nice girlfriend. I think Betty does things that show she really cares...I believe she does. She has food and beers that I like stocked at her place, has purchased a shirt and tie that she thinks are good, and other things like that...plans fun stuff to do, obtains baseball tickets. There is an upside to her. Downside of course is this random moodiness, cutting off sex at times, shallow friends, yuppie tastes...it seems like she is trying to upgrade everything, maybe even her friends? My friends are very different. Am I in love? Probably not. Can I go gaga over someone again? Maybe not.
Snow White: What defines a ‘nice girlfriend?’ Don’t you think most women nowadays are elusive?
I think you can still go gaga over someone in the future. I really miss that feeling. I cannot remember the last time I was oooh and aaah upon meeting a guy.
August 31
Grumpy: She was all nervy last night as she put it...was really a pain. I just stayed quiet most of the time since there is nothing I can say or do sometimes. She seemed to settle down after a good hard f---. Then I gave her another this am and took off.
I went to Peet’s coffee today and I saw some lovely women downtown today. I think a few have liked my outfit...been too horny lately for some reason-full moon perhaps?
Snow White: You must be good in bed. You are so good that you could calm her down when Betty throws you her moodiness. Why didn’t you just go home? Or were you home? You should not have to take any bullshits from her. I agree with you that people should just be alone when they feel like they are about to explode.
BTW, Monday was Full Moon, in case no one told you about it.
Present
Grumpy: I am wearing your shirt nowadays and calling it my lucky shirt. Betty is in Boston until tomorrow. she says that she is the easy going sister and the sister she is staying with has so many rules around the house...says that she knows what it must be like for me to deal with her rules and says whe she returns, she wants to be nicer. We will see if she eases up. She has been calling everyday but I have not missed her that much...is that bad?
Betty’s 41st birthday is next week and we are going to Vegas in celebration of her birthday next weekend. I don’t know what kind of present to buy for Betty.
Snow White: So, you don’t miss Betty a bit? Not a teeny-tiny bit? Hmmm, that’s okay. You don’t miss her and that is the fact. I wonder if she misses you?
A Vegas trip AND a present? You are such a nice boyfriend. I’m more interested to find out if she will be grateful of all the nice things you are doing for her birthday. I wonder if she will still be unappreciative.
(Update: eventually it didn't work out. Oh well the next one is always better! Keep the faith.)
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
What I'm Looking For
Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time lamenting over the shortcomings of modern men. Let’s talk about what I like in a man. Perhaps trying a different approach will bring back hopes before I totally give up on them. LOL.
First, I love a man who can make me laugh and know how to cheer me up when I’m feeling the blue. A great sense of humor is a gem.
He is a man with goals, plans and ambitions. He has what it takes to make his dreams come true. And he is eager to do everything in order to bettering his life.
You see, I have total respect for any man as long as he has dreams and he makes plans to make them happen. It is hard for me to have high regards for a man who has no mission in life. Having a father who built everything on his own makes me look up to anyone who can visualize their dreams and turn them into reality.
I have always dated men who not only kept their day jobs but also looked for ways to venture out for more. Back then, my Mr. Big was more than just a banker. He had investments and he was making good money from it. He literally had double incomes. He taught me a lot about how to invest smart and offered great tips. Again, he earned my respect by doing simply what he was good at.
Respect has to be earned, not given.
So, it is more than a financial status. Maybe social status matters to me as well as financial stability. If two people can’t be better when they are together (finance-wise), then I don’t see the point of getting married. I have to settle for less in order to be married so that I can rough it? Hell No!
Well, the materialistic needs are just as important as personality characteristics. I’ve grown up a certain way and it’s unlikely that I’m going to give it up. Let’s face it. It is shallow and materialistic but god darn it, I want to marry well.
Again, a man’s income reflects on the ambitions / drives he has. If he is satisfied and content with everything he has, that’s wonderful. How much is enough changes from person to person.
The criteria of my dream man probably have become more materialistic and shallower over the years. Call me a snob. I can’t deny it because it’s part of who I am. My parents didn’t invest tons of money and raised me a certain way so that I can marry a man with no obvious promising future.
I never considered myself a picky person until recently. Once I laid out everything I want in a relationship, I realized that I’m just plain difficult. Every so often, I beat myself up for being this way, which may have resulted in my forever-single status. Many friends assure me that I’m not shallow. Obviously, they share the same values as I do. Perhaps deep down, they look for the same materialistic things. They are not as verbal and candid as I am.
In my heart, I always want to believe in my man and think that he is surely and slowly making changes toward bettering his life for what lies ahead. I won’t mind waiting if he shows sincerity and stamina. After all these years matching my name to different last names, I have a clear idea of what suits me.
“Wine and Dine” is one of the keys to my heart. Baby, I don’t know about you but damn! I love the high life!
Let’s sum it up. I am looking for a man who’s established with a social status, stable financially, and most importantly, a man who desires the finer things in life and has the ambitions to make them come true. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
Dating is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re going to get and whom you are going to meet next. Some are great. Some are so-so. Some are horrendous. Some even have terrific chemistry with me. A few are plain nightmares. Everything happens for a reason and every person we meet throughout our lifetime is destiny.
Speaking of great loves, I had two, including Mr. Big. In retrospect, they gave me the closest thing to true love. Mr. Big had great appreciations for all things Asian (and I’m not just talking about the food!) and high regards for Chinese cultures (I’m proud of my root!). He’s worked for two Taiwanese-owned banks in L.A. one after another. I am not sure if you can teach a man how to possess sophistication. He has it or none at all. A sophisticated man is very attractive!
JC probably fared well because we both can converse in English, Mandarin and Taiwanese. Our bi-cultural backgrounds make things more interesting.
Neither of my great loves cared much for clubbing and it was fine with me. It was more fun going without them since they probably danced like robots. It was certainly a plus if my man could hang and love to boogie down when I was in the mood.
There are men who would have been okay choices of boyfriends if I were a 20-something in college. They are all about having fun, which is their only goal in life.
I’m glad that I never kept the same boyfriend for more than 2 years. Otherwise, I would never have the chance to ‘explore’ and really find out for myself what’s out there, what I like and what I loathe when it comes to dating.
Quite a few of my friends who are married sometimes regret for not dating enough before settling down. Now they think about what they may be missing. They are not sure as of what stopped them from having a little fun back then. I certainly won’t have that problem. I’m an opportunist. LOL.
A friend’s mom runs a Chinese cooking school in the Midwest. Her dating advice for Asian girls like me is to ask two questions: (1) Is he interested in Chinese cultures? (2) Does he like sports?
She is not crazy but her point is that, since she is in the retail business selling oriental gifts, she knows a lot of customers who are in mixed (Asian + White/Black/Latin) couples. She notices that when the non-Asian person has a longstanding interest in Chinese culture, the relationship tend to last. She explains, "It's very difficult when you're married to someone who doesn't want to eat your food."
True that! If my man is a sports fanatic, I might begin to resent it after a while! I like NFL but I have zero interest in NBA or MLB.
I believe in Go with my heart and Trust my own intuition. Good things always happen when I least expect it. Therefore, I’m more likely to meet someone special when I am not looking. Dating is all about destiny, isn’t it? My philosophy in life has always been “Take things as they come and just roll with the punches.”
Does anyone know if Russell is still single & available?!?! He is quite ideal as a future mate!
First, I love a man who can make me laugh and know how to cheer me up when I’m feeling the blue. A great sense of humor is a gem.
He is a man with goals, plans and ambitions. He has what it takes to make his dreams come true. And he is eager to do everything in order to bettering his life.
You see, I have total respect for any man as long as he has dreams and he makes plans to make them happen. It is hard for me to have high regards for a man who has no mission in life. Having a father who built everything on his own makes me look up to anyone who can visualize their dreams and turn them into reality.
I have always dated men who not only kept their day jobs but also looked for ways to venture out for more. Back then, my Mr. Big was more than just a banker. He had investments and he was making good money from it. He literally had double incomes. He taught me a lot about how to invest smart and offered great tips. Again, he earned my respect by doing simply what he was good at.
Respect has to be earned, not given.
So, it is more than a financial status. Maybe social status matters to me as well as financial stability. If two people can’t be better when they are together (finance-wise), then I don’t see the point of getting married. I have to settle for less in order to be married so that I can rough it? Hell No!
Well, the materialistic needs are just as important as personality characteristics. I’ve grown up a certain way and it’s unlikely that I’m going to give it up. Let’s face it. It is shallow and materialistic but god darn it, I want to marry well.
Again, a man’s income reflects on the ambitions / drives he has. If he is satisfied and content with everything he has, that’s wonderful. How much is enough changes from person to person.
The criteria of my dream man probably have become more materialistic and shallower over the years. Call me a snob. I can’t deny it because it’s part of who I am. My parents didn’t invest tons of money and raised me a certain way so that I can marry a man with no obvious promising future.
I never considered myself a picky person until recently. Once I laid out everything I want in a relationship, I realized that I’m just plain difficult. Every so often, I beat myself up for being this way, which may have resulted in my forever-single status. Many friends assure me that I’m not shallow. Obviously, they share the same values as I do. Perhaps deep down, they look for the same materialistic things. They are not as verbal and candid as I am.
In my heart, I always want to believe in my man and think that he is surely and slowly making changes toward bettering his life for what lies ahead. I won’t mind waiting if he shows sincerity and stamina. After all these years matching my name to different last names, I have a clear idea of what suits me.
“Wine and Dine” is one of the keys to my heart. Baby, I don’t know about you but damn! I love the high life!
Let’s sum it up. I am looking for a man who’s established with a social status, stable financially, and most importantly, a man who desires the finer things in life and has the ambitions to make them come true. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
Dating is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re going to get and whom you are going to meet next. Some are great. Some are so-so. Some are horrendous. Some even have terrific chemistry with me. A few are plain nightmares. Everything happens for a reason and every person we meet throughout our lifetime is destiny.
Speaking of great loves, I had two, including Mr. Big. In retrospect, they gave me the closest thing to true love. Mr. Big had great appreciations for all things Asian (and I’m not just talking about the food!) and high regards for Chinese cultures (I’m proud of my root!). He’s worked for two Taiwanese-owned banks in L.A. one after another. I am not sure if you can teach a man how to possess sophistication. He has it or none at all. A sophisticated man is very attractive!
JC probably fared well because we both can converse in English, Mandarin and Taiwanese. Our bi-cultural backgrounds make things more interesting.
Neither of my great loves cared much for clubbing and it was fine with me. It was more fun going without them since they probably danced like robots. It was certainly a plus if my man could hang and love to boogie down when I was in the mood.
There are men who would have been okay choices of boyfriends if I were a 20-something in college. They are all about having fun, which is their only goal in life.
I’m glad that I never kept the same boyfriend for more than 2 years. Otherwise, I would never have the chance to ‘explore’ and really find out for myself what’s out there, what I like and what I loathe when it comes to dating.
Quite a few of my friends who are married sometimes regret for not dating enough before settling down. Now they think about what they may be missing. They are not sure as of what stopped them from having a little fun back then. I certainly won’t have that problem. I’m an opportunist. LOL.
A friend’s mom runs a Chinese cooking school in the Midwest. Her dating advice for Asian girls like me is to ask two questions: (1) Is he interested in Chinese cultures? (2) Does he like sports?
She is not crazy but her point is that, since she is in the retail business selling oriental gifts, she knows a lot of customers who are in mixed (Asian + White/Black/Latin) couples. She notices that when the non-Asian person has a longstanding interest in Chinese culture, the relationship tend to last. She explains, "It's very difficult when you're married to someone who doesn't want to eat your food."
True that! If my man is a sports fanatic, I might begin to resent it after a while! I like NFL but I have zero interest in NBA or MLB.
I believe in Go with my heart and Trust my own intuition. Good things always happen when I least expect it. Therefore, I’m more likely to meet someone special when I am not looking. Dating is all about destiny, isn’t it? My philosophy in life has always been “Take things as they come and just roll with the punches.”
Does anyone know if Russell is still single & available?!?! He is quite ideal as a future mate!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Trick or Treat Time...
Halloween 2003 (I'm the one with the mask. I love that mask. It's imported from Italy - absolutely beautiful! Unfortunately, it was stolen at the party. Sigh!)
Halloween party has never been my thing. Maybe it's because it's too close to my birthday.
I know of a Halloween party that will take place on Saturday night. I have not decided if I want to go yet. I’m thinking to dress like a dominatrix. I have a short short leather dress with a zipper in front and I can pair that up with my knee-high boots (three inches of high heels). Maybe I need a black eye mask and a whip to complete the look as a dominatrix.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Prospective Show Host on QVC...NOT!
July 22 1990 (I had short hair before! Gosh, this picture is 14 years old.)
For the past three days, I’ve been in the same room with other prospective show hosts from 10 am ‘till 6 pm. As much as I hate to admit it, I seem to be ‘bigger’ than everyone else and I do mean everyone else, including the male ones. That bothers me a bit.
That is not to say they are prettier than me. They are just so small. When we go on lunch breaks, some can eat more than I do but their physical form is just tiny! God can be so unfair sometimes! Some even snack on junk food all day long and they don’t seem to gain an ounce. Eventually, either I will have to give up on becoming just like them or the network will have to make peace with the way I am physically.
Y'know, I was already on red alert because of my soon approaching 31st birthday. Now as a prospective show host on a home shopping network, I think I need to get in shape before the launch date. The pressure is high!
The question is: How Small Can I Possibly Become Physically? Just look at the picture above. I think that's the smallest I have ever been in my life. Is that good enough for TV and the viewers?
I think I age well. I actually look better as I get older. That’s a good thing, right?
The training classes started on Monday. Since TV is very much a collective effort, show hosts and producers will have to work closely. Therefore, we were all in the training courses together. Later on, we’ll probably spilt up and match one producer with two show hosts as a team. It’s too early to tell which show host has chemistry with which producer.
Everyday I am learning something new about home shopping. TV is one thing and TV shopping is something else. Yesterday we watched home shopping programs from Korea, China and of course, the US. It seems to me that the US market must have more mature consumers than the rest of the world because such as QVC or HSN has a more laid-back style. The rest just seem like variety shows.
This is funny! The thought of feeling stuck scares me from the beginning and it still does even though it’s a done deal - there is no turning back now. I never managed to keep the same boyfriend for more than 2 years and how am I supposed to stay put for 3?!?!
For the past three days, I’ve been in the same room with other prospective show hosts from 10 am ‘till 6 pm. As much as I hate to admit it, I seem to be ‘bigger’ than everyone else and I do mean everyone else, including the male ones. That bothers me a bit.
That is not to say they are prettier than me. They are just so small. When we go on lunch breaks, some can eat more than I do but their physical form is just tiny! God can be so unfair sometimes! Some even snack on junk food all day long and they don’t seem to gain an ounce. Eventually, either I will have to give up on becoming just like them or the network will have to make peace with the way I am physically.
Y'know, I was already on red alert because of my soon approaching 31st birthday. Now as a prospective show host on a home shopping network, I think I need to get in shape before the launch date. The pressure is high!
The question is: How Small Can I Possibly Become Physically? Just look at the picture above. I think that's the smallest I have ever been in my life. Is that good enough for TV and the viewers?
I think I age well. I actually look better as I get older. That’s a good thing, right?
The training classes started on Monday. Since TV is very much a collective effort, show hosts and producers will have to work closely. Therefore, we were all in the training courses together. Later on, we’ll probably spilt up and match one producer with two show hosts as a team. It’s too early to tell which show host has chemistry with which producer.
Everyday I am learning something new about home shopping. TV is one thing and TV shopping is something else. Yesterday we watched home shopping programs from Korea, China and of course, the US. It seems to me that the US market must have more mature consumers than the rest of the world because such as QVC or HSN has a more laid-back style. The rest just seem like variety shows.
This is funny! The thought of feeling stuck scares me from the beginning and it still does even though it’s a done deal - there is no turning back now. I never managed to keep the same boyfriend for more than 2 years and how am I supposed to stay put for 3?!?!
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Call Me A Bitch Like I Don't Know
August 23, 1998 in my old college apartment in San Francisco (That's me on the left)
I can't believe it's been that long since that photo was taken! Do I look any different?
Under My Bitchy Exterior
The other day, a close friend says to me, “I am really happy that you are my friend. I enjoy talking with you, and I think you are a very caring and nice person under that bitchy exterior...If I were a straight man...I would fall head over heels for you! I just want you to know how much I appreciate your friendship...."
That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me lately. So, it has been confirmed once again that I have a bitchy exterior. Should I be proud of being a tough cookie that no one dares to mess with?
What to Do for My Birthday?
My birthday is coming up in less than two weeks. I will turn 31st in case you’re wondering. Damn! How / when did I become this old?!?! It was only yesterday when I reached a quarter century old. Not sure if I want to plan anything for this year’s B-day since 31 is not exactly a milestone as marking 30 or what- have-you.
I know I’m definitely aging because my music taste has become “old school & today’s R & B.” Listening to 98.1 Kiss FM in San Francisco not only cures my homesickness but also curbs my craving for good music! Hearing Al Green’s “I’m Still In Love With You” or “Let’s Stay Together” always makes me wanna dance! I wonder if kids today know who the heck Al Green is?!?!
You won’t believe this! I just check through my closet and realize that some of my wardrobes are ten years old. Maybe I should try them on and see if they still fit me like a second skin. Did I intentionally save these clothes so that I can feel nostalgia every so often for the good old days? Or did I secretly hope that I could still fit into them when my 10-year-old fashion makes a comeback?
If no surprises, it looks like I’ll be in Taiwan for the next three years. I just signed a 36-month contract to be one of the hosts on a soon-to-launch home shopping network. Unless they fire me for poor performances, I’m there for 3 years.
Gosh…it sounds like a lifetime, doesn’t it? The fact is that I have nothing else lined up. So, I figure it might be fun to try out TV but now I end up with something long-term. I don’t think I ever had the same boyfriend for more than two years. On the other hand, I never thought I would survive my radio job for more than a year and I was there for five!
The next three years will be interesting. This is going to be more than a test of my already-lacking patience and stamina!
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Dating Is Not What It Used To Be
When I was young...
In the Good Ol’ Days
Back in the days, this is how it worked.
As I entered the room, a man stared at me. The body language could be translated literally as, “Hey! You seem nice. I would like to talk to you."
If I didn’t care much for the guy, I would probably wince and walk away.
But what if he's "yummy-looking"? A big grin would appear on my face.
We started exchanging eye contacts. If he’s smart enough to pick up my signal, he would come up to me. As he moved toward me, the jitters might be overwhelming. Then we chatted briefly and he would use the opportunity to ask for my number. I would write my number on a piece of napkin with my lipstick.
However, I would tell him that I had a boyfriend if I was not interested. I could never leave anyone a phony number. I believe in cosmic balance – lying can cause bad karma! Y’know, goes around comes around!
It’s almost like an unwritten rule. He waited three days before calling to ask me out on a date. Getting ready for the first date was painstaking and I started getting the butterflies before he rang my doorbell.
As I opened my door, he would be standing there with a bouquet of red roses. Flowers made a good impression before the date even began.
When I was in high school, a friend offered her advice on the Do’s and Don’ts on dates. “You always eat before they pick you up. No boys want to go out with girls who pig out in front of them!” she assured me.
WHAT? If that’s true, why did they bother taking me to a romantic restaurant so that I could watch them eat a piece of big fat juicy steak? That was just WRONG! Hey! I wanted some of that, too! Give me that steak!
You can call me an old-fashioned kinda girl at heart. I like to be wined and dined. You can bet your life on it that I will always complete the five-course meal and never miss a dessert! A few times, I even ordered two desserts! I offered to share them but my dates pretty much just watched me finish them in awe!
If we generated some sort of ‘talking chemistry’ during dinner, then it’s a hit! Only if we hit it off, then we would go on a second date and so on.
The way we bid good night was a good indication of how well the evening went. If my date was permitted to perform some French kisses, it was a good thing. It meant that I definitely enjoyed the dinner and the company.
If I shook his hand as we stood outside my door (Hell No! Don’t even think about coming in, I thought to myself!), it was a lost cause. The hand shaking was the absolute worst a man could expect at the end of a date. We could be friends, no?
It’s worth another attempt if he got a little “kiss-kiss n’ hug-hug” from me. I probably wasn’t sure how I felt about my date. In other words, after school detention was the status quo until further observations. Do not despair. There’s hope!
When things progressed like smooth sailing, I may become head over heel and get all ‘gaga’ over him. Soon we would become an item and start using the official terms – boyfriend and girlfriend.
In conclusion, dating was fun, heartfelt, and not-so-complicated. Often times there were a lot of Ooohs and Aaahs...I miss that feeling!
Fast Track to Present Days
Now, I have a different approach. Before I go on a date with someone new, I need to conduct the following:
1. Background check
Where did you go to school? What did you study? Did you finish your degree?
What is your employment history? Have you ever been fired from any previous employers?
Are you a jet setter? Do you speak any foreign languages?
How many times have you been married? Any kids? Several kids by different mothers?
Have you knocked up anyone in the past?
Have you ever been arrested? Any criminal record?
How will you best describe your belief or values when it comes to family, money, and social status?
2. Lifestyle & Personal habits questionnaire
Are you a smoker?
Are you on Prozac? Is there a history of depression in your family?
Are you a pothead or a druggie?
Are you a sports fanatic?
Are you punctual?
Are you good at making plans?
Are you still paying your ex for child support?
What are your dreams and goals?
What is your definition of culture and I don’t mean yogurt?
What is the biggest complaint from your ex?
Do you believe in marriage and monogamy?
Do you consider yourself “vain”?
Do you enjoy performing arts?
Do you often get involved in bar fights?
Do you manage your personal finance well? You do have a savings account, right?
Do you live with your mother? Does your mother do your laundry?
Do you keep your apartment neat and clean?
Do you have any outstanding parking tickets or arrest warrant issued for your ass?
Have you ever physically abused a woman? Have you been sent to anger management classes by a court order?
Is your Friday night reserved for the indefinite happy hours with the boyz?
3. STD test result
Please provide the most recent one and any test result that’s older than six months is not acceptable.
Damn! This is harder than a job interview! There is no wonder why I am still single.
What I Really Think of Marriage
A friend is having a status issue and I can help him out if we get married. He even went to the American embassy to get a legal proof from the U.S. government saying that he is single and therefore, he can marry under the marriage law in Taiwan.
After thinking it over, I realize that I cannot go through with it. It is more than just giving out a helping hand. There is so much more involved than meets the eye.
What do you know, uh? I am a bit old school in my approach to marriage – just once for me will be enough. Knowing it is a quick fix to my friend’s status issue, we will for sure divorce in a matter of time. I don’t think I can live with that. Having a divorce record is not part of my life plans. Yah, I’m a neat freak! LOL.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Now N' Then
In 10 Years Time
I sorted out old negatives and turned them into computer files recently. As I browsed thru the ‘ancient’ photos, I was surprised to see how ‘scary’ looking I was. If I knew what I know now, I’d have donned different outfits. Why did no one say anything to me then? I was very far from attractive. I can’t help but wonder how I scored dates
My best friend T. and I became best buds in college – she is one of the very few female friends I’ve maintained all these years! She said I looked good then but I look even better now, even with my natural beauty!
Comparing the Now n’ Then pictures is quite interesting. You won’t believe what 10 years can do to me! Looking at a photo taken back in April 1995, I am just shaking my head. How did I fit into all the tiny dresses I bought from Babe then? My ass must have been hanging out for everyone to see! Yah. I was a Samantha before she was created in Sex and the City.
Some say that you are only as young as you feel. If that is true, I’m only 25 this year. As much as I embrace my age, I don’t feel it mentally. In fact, I feel much younger than my real age. Nonetheless, my maturity level has improved and yet my heart feels vibrant as a 20-something.
You can ask any 25-year-old person, he or she will tell you that 30 years of age seems ancient. I was like that before. I went as far as calling the 30-something “old farts” and look at me now, I’ve joined the club of Old Farts.
What’s intriguing about aging? For me, the older I become, the younger I feel mentally. When I was in my early 20s, I acted as if I was already 30 – I was much more mature for someone of my age.
Over all, I get better as I age. In my younger days, I did not take criticism as well as the way I do now. I was more critical of others and often said mean things without thinking it through. One major breakthrough is that I am able to make apologies whenever I see fit. My pride seemed to get in the way when the situation called for an apology.
Signs of Aging
One thing that didn’t get better as I age is my physical endurance for a night on the town.
You know you’re old when you spend two days to recover from drinking and partying like there’s no tomorrow.
Two Fridays ago my friend V. and I met up at Kama for a quick drink. That night she left around midnight to head home while I stayed and hung out ‘till the music stopped at this trendy lounge bar. As usual, I met new friends and partied with them as if we’re new best buds. I got home around 5 AM on Saturday. I had one cocktail some champagne, and what-have-you. I was not even tipsy but the after effect of alcohol lasted for two days. Not that I had hangovers it’s just that I was tired physically – half-dead to be exact.
Last Saturday night V. and I decided to hit the nightlife again. MOD is an old hangout – the bartenders are super cute and they make awesome drinks! Ya know, one thing led to another. We ended up at Kama again after two rounds at MOD. It’s dangerous when I start making new friends as fast as I toast for the happy moments. The drinking is never ending and I end up getting all sorts of drinks from different “new buddies.”
My friend V. had been long gone while I was still running around like a social butterfly. Before I knew it, a group of new friends pulled me out of the lounge bar and into a BMW. I was told, “We are going to Plush!” Boy, I have not heard that name for ages. I think the last time I danced under the disco balls at Plush was in late 2002.
Once we got to the club, it was happening! At 2 AM, I saw people from wall to wall and the dance floor was crowded! I remember the first time I heard Abba’s Dancing Queen, I thought it was all about me. LOL. I sashayed all the way to the center of the club and danced as if nobody’s watching.
If my memory serves me right, I got home at 5:30 AM with sore feet and aching back. The next day I felt paralyzed from my neck and below. I was sober and wide-awake but I couldn’t seem to get myself out of bed. Resting in bed was the only thing that my physical ability allowed.
It was not that long ago when I could dance all night and still wake up the next morning as usual to carry on any daily routine. I love to boogie and I don’t think I will ever give it up. It feels great to let my hair down every so often and dance the night away. As for alcohol, it seems to drain away my energy more so than ever before. I am seriously considering giving it all up completely.
All About Laser
This morning I went to see a dermatologist for a laser treatment to remove all the moles on my face and neck, including pigmented areas. My doc complimented me on my almost perfect skin but agreed with me that I had too many moles on my face.
It was quick and didn’t hurt but I felt a stinging sensation as the laser treated every little spot on my skin. The doc was nice and only charged me $100 USD for everything, including an ointment to take home. I came home with 18 open wounds on my face and neck.
Perhaps, the laser treatment is my response to the soon-to-come 31st birthday. After much discussion with my doc, I might consider her suggestion and go through a different kind of laser treatment to smooth the pores on my cheeks, which seem larger than I want them to be.
What happens when I begin to see fine liners around my eyes and wrinkles? I will probably make a 9-11 call to my dermatologist!
So, what’s next? Will I get a laser surgery to correct my poor eyesights? And maybe “Liposuction”??? There is no end to it if you want to perfect yourself. Once you start a beauty regimen, you will have to keep going at it ‘till the day you disappear from the face of the planet.
Right now, I only want to think about the upcoming 31st birthday and I can care less about how I am going to turn out the day I become 40. I hope that I will keep the healthy diet and all the good habits that defy the law of aging.
Nonetheless, aging is a beautiful thing. Just remember that saying, You’re only as young as you feel!
April 1995
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Come What May
Worry of the Moment
My current position in life worries me because I am not where I had envisioned for myself. I should have been married by now and have a career that’s promising.
So, my life is not going as well as my expectation. Marriage is my least concern since everyone says it’s ALL ABOUT TIMING. It certainly can wait but I would like to lead a fabulous lifestyle as I once did. In the meantime, I need to figure it out how to get back on track on my own and no one else can help me with it.
In all fairness, I’ve gone thru more than my shares of gigs that didn’t pan out. Opportunities came and disappeared. I figure that they are not meant to be.
Nonetheless, there are times I do feel down when I think about the fact that I’m not making more out of myself. The thought makes me hide in my crib and avoids social scenes because that way, no one can ask me that tiring question, “So, what are you doing for money now?”
Since I was little, I had always dreamed of becoming a successful person – in my own mind and in a conventional way as well. Everyone tells me that I’m talented and deserve better, they see me going to places, they have a hutch that I’ll end up with something major in the future…blah blah blah.
Then I wonder why my big break still hasn’t come? I understand that my job search is going to be more difficult than most people’s are because I rule out conventional jobs and anything that requires sitting at a desk from 9 to 6. Great patience is needed. However, I am slowly losing my faith and looking for a boost of energy to carry on.
Am I wasting my potential by taking too much time in order to land on a satisfying job? Why an ambitious chick like me is doing so little? I would love to make the best out of myself but I have not encountered a somewhat enticing opportunity until now.
A New Chapter
I was busy last week. Well, sort of. I went through a series of auditions, including the final on Thursday. A brand new Home Shopping Network in Taiwan plans to do a soft launch in December and the cable network will officially be in business on January 1, 2005.
Yesterday I signed away the next three years of my life by agreeing to be one of the hosts on the network. The training courses will begin next Monday. In terms of opportunities, Asia seems to have more than the rest of the world because most Asian countries are still developing. As for the States, it’s all set and it’s rare you’ll find employment with something that is starting brand new.
Oddly enough, most of my job prospects since college graduation have enabled me to help pilot something new. Therefore, I have a good feeling about it though I can tell you now that I will bitch about it for sure. That’s a given. It’s in my nature to do so.
My first job at the radio station was to produce a two-hour magazine-style morning news program. It was a triumph for the station and the first of its kind in Taiwan’s broadcasting industry.
Earlier this year, I helped Aljazeera cover the presidential election and it was the first time this allegedly terrorist-affiliated network came to Taiwan.
This summer I helped produce a one-hour demo tape that covers current affairs and news in Asia for a Taiwan multi-media company. If this network successfully launches next year, it will be the first Asian network broadcasting in English for the North American audience.
The biggest advantage in working for something that starts with a clean slate is that there is no baggage and neither previous history to match up. Anything goes.
I find this offer challenging because it is so new – it’s not even officially on air yet. It seems natural to go from radio to TV. A brand new network is capable to making anyone a star.
Final Round of Audition
On the day of the final, I was not nervous. Since most of the work experiences I had this year were TV-related, I have had quite a bit of trainings in front of the camera. When I stood in front of a judge panel made out of 10 influential figures from the management, I knew I probably got the gig.
Something gets better with age, such as intuition. I didn’t have a self-inflated ego just because I seem to have more experiences than most contestants do do. Confidence is the secret to winning almost anything or anyone for that matter.
The Ball Is In My Court
When the phone call came in and I learned that I’m one of the few chosen ones, I was ecstatic! It was the day after the final and they asked me to come in ASAP to discuss the contract. All I could think about in my mind was “The ball is in my court – the network is waiting to talk business with me so that I can sign the contract.”
Then I met the programming director and he went over the terms with me. He had hoped that I would sign the contract on the spot. I told him that I needed to sleep on it and he agreed to give me 24 hours to think it through. They are in a hurry to get this network up and running.
Honestly, I can imagine what to expect when the network premieres officially. The network can tell me how they envision it but you know how it is, things will never turn out exactly the way they describe. Think about every job you’ve done in your life. You’ll always find something in it that is very different from your expectation. Yes, I’m interested but I have no way to find out if it is interesting until I actually get to do it.
I like to shop and I even like to help friends and family shop. I like to look for bargains. I enjoy the finer things in life. I like to talk and share my ideas / thoughts / opinions. I can convey many things to people. All that makes me somewhat qualified to do this job. After all, TV shopping network aims to ‘convince’ their viewers to pick up the phone to place an order.
All I can think of now is, "This seems to be up in my alley!"
Am I Really Interested in Appearing On TV Shopping Network? Any Concerns?
It is a three-year contract. For me, it seems a bit too long. 18 months or even 2 years are acceptable. I never signed anything that’s longer than one year. Three years seems overwhelming. So, the duration of the contract is one concern; the other is that the network wants to represent me as my agent. In other words, I won’t be able to take outside gigs on my own (as I used to when I was in radio and made quick $ elsewhere). Even if I do get anything outside the network, they can take a cut (20%) of whatever I do. That sucks. I never had an agent.
Despite of a three-year commitment, it’s the only thing that’s coming my way since I failed to obtain a radio gig in China last month. Doesn’t this seem promising? I’ve been out of the showbiz scene that I need to start somewhere!
For the 1st year, I won’t be able to take any vacation and that idea scares the shit out of me. In other words, my next overseas travel will take place in 2006!!! I know I’ll feel trapped but supposedly, I’ll be so busy that I won’t have time to think about going anywhere.
A few weeks ago, I promised my pal Grumpy that we will throw a Viva Las Vegas in 2005. Now it looks like we’ll have to postpone Vegas for a later date! At least I know that I’ll come with play money when I hit Vegas next time. There’s nothing suckier than going to Vegas with no money to shop!
My godbrother thinks I’m ‘too good’ for the job and tells me to think it over. I decided to go for it because I’m beginning to get tired of being at home a lot. I’m fortunate that I don’t have any economical pressure but I’ve waited long enough.
This seemingly promising gig is the only thing that is for real at the moment. It is a gratifying feeling to know that I’m wanted. If I pass it up, how much longer will I have to wait before another suitable gig comes my way?
My issue is not financial. It’s the fact that the longer I wait for a good gig to come around, the more of my pride and self-worth are chipping away. Sometimes I almost don’t feel myself. And it is so not me to keep friends and social scenes out of my sight because I don’t want to hear “how’s the job hunt?” again. Oftentimes it’s hard to feel fulfilled when I’m aloof.
Maybe I’m not as talented as everyone says. Maybe I need to accept this offer just to prove that I still got it. It might help find myself again and regain the self-confidence I always had.
Working for an English-speaking radio station in Taiwan can only reach a certain amount of listeners. After all, this is a Chinese-speaking island. Being on TV and speaking Chinese / Taiwanese will no doubt reach out to a wider range of audience.
Too Thin? No Such A Thing!
In the TV world, no one can ever be too thin. Oh yeah, another thing…I’ll have to lose weight. Lots of it.
For my height 5 foot 4, I need to weigh no more than 100 lbs. in order to look ‘just right’ on TV. Yeah…just about 120. The last time I was below 118 was my senior year in high school. I was constantly reminded of my ‘weight’ since the first audition.
Overall, they find my face pretty enough but the rest…very much big boned! This is the cruel reality of TV business, even more so in Asia than anywhere else! So, I probably have lost a few pounds since last week because I was so intense during each round and tried to eat as little as possible in order to look petite.
I have never been skinny and my face has always been round since the day I was born. It will be interesting to see how small I can become physically if I stay on a very restricted diet. Boobs and face are the first things to go when most women lose weight.
I’m often told that I’m made for something big. Any truth to that? Gotta find out for myself.
My ex said to me once, “I think you will end up with something major in the future. I have a good feeling about it. Don’t worry about the measly jobs not panning out. They aren’t worth your time anyway. It’s a way of filtering out the crap jobs until a good one sticks. It’s all about future returns, not about the short-term gains. And the only way to pick the right one is to take your time, as much time as you see fit. When you feel just right about something, you will know.”
I think I feel for this TV gig. It is not the end. It is a new beginning and it spells A-D-V-E-N-T-U-R-E!
Monday, October 11, 2004
FAQ
Do you have a question? I just might have the answer for ya!
This is not a Dear Abby or Dear Ann column but I would love to start one! My friends often seek advice and from time to time, they throw me a curve ball. Even though it is none of my business, I can’t seem to keep quiet and just have to put my two cents worth in!
Question #1: I heard that you got a webcam recently. You have all the equipment to become one of those 24 hour broadcast webcam girls on the internet. Now you can make money on the side getting people (that is, men) to subscribe to your site.
Answer: Haha. Thanks for the idea. I don't think I'll be stripping on my webcam anytime soon. I will let you know when I decide to let it all hang out and appear online in my birthday suit. Who wants to see me naked aside from those who already did?!
However, I heard the most profitable porn sites are the ones catering to gay men and lesbians. That is where the money is at – worth looking into! Maybe I’ll buy you a webcam for your next birthday. What do ya think, partner?
Question #2: My girlfriend is away for a few days while visiting her family in the East Coast. I have not missed her that much. Is it that bad?
Answer: So, you don’t miss her a bit and not a teeny-tiny bit? Hmmm, that is perfectly okay. You do not miss her and that is the fact. Who knows? Maybe she does not miss you either.
Perhaps you two have been spending too much together. Her leave of absence was timely since you needed a break and some time to yourself.
The least you can do is to think of her when you’re playing with yourself.
Question #3: I notice that among the young Asian American women nowadays, they smile, fake, and pretend that they are interested and it is a hoax. Why is that?
Answer: The Asian chicks cannot reject men directly because it is considered ‘RUDE’ in the Asian culture. They were taught to respect any male elders, their father and brothers no matter what. As a result, they developed this inferior mentality toward men.
When chicks don’t respond to your enthusiasm, the last thing you want to do is to beat yourself up over it. A chick who doesn’t reciprocate to your TLC, she is a lost cause. Why lose sleep over a fish when you live in the ocean?
Do you prefer women who tell you to ‘Take a Hike’ or “Get Lost” when they are not even remotely interested in you?
Question #4: Last night my girlfriend and I got together, we did nothing in particular. She did not want to have sex. This morning she grabbed my balls and wanted to go at it. For the sake of not letting her control the pace of deeds, I refused despite being really horny. Is that terrible or a wise move?
Answer: Kudos to you and that is a wise move! You should not let your woman take control of all things. If she can say NO to you, SO CAN YOU. Most men have difficulties to turn women for sex. Oftentimes, they want it more than their partners do. This is truly a triumph for the male race!
Robin William once said, “God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at once.” You just proved him wrong.
Keep up the good work and we are one-step closer to equality between men and women!
Question #5: I am dating a divorcee, he is perpetually late, and there is no sign of the situation will ever improve. Sometimes I feel that he does not take me seriously –I am just someone he happens to like and have fun with every so often. When do you know enough is enough?
Answer: I guess the way he acts would suggest that he is not so serious, all the showing up late and stuff. Perhaps the failure of his marriage played a part in the way he behaves, or causes him to be scared to get closer. After all, we all carry some relationship baggage and can’t seem to shake it off?
Only you can call the shot and put a stop on it. Listen to your heart and trust your intuition. You are the master of your life and you’d better start acting like one!
Question #6: I do not understand what women see in Hugh Grant. I remember he got into troubles while back. I am dating a woman who is infatuated with him. Nonetheless why would he need to get a hooker!?
Answer: The British accent makes Grant adorable. I’ve always liked him. He has that boyish look that most women like and the accent just tops it off. Maybe the movie roles he portrayed on the silver screen created a false image for him and we women really have fallen for the movie characters. After all, most of us do not know him personally.
His look combined with the sexy British accent and his impeccable appearance makes him attractive. However, like any movie icon, Grant Hugh is in the past and he has gone with the wind as the 90s ended. Now we are infatuated with Jude Law.
Question #7: I met a woman on a streetcar in Boston last year. She was helpful when I asked her for directions. She is a single mom with a son in trouble. She gave me her card and we started exchanging Emails since. The other day, she mentioned an interest in moving to California and asked me to send major Californian newspapers to her. I don’t really know her and honestly, she is just an Email pal. So, should I send her the papers? Is it an unusual request?
Answer: Hell yah and who is this woman in Boston?! Has she ever heard of the INTERNET??? She can browse newspaper websites online if she is serious about finding out more about California. Maybe she is old-fashioned; there are people who prefer to read from the actual paper so they can get their hands dirty while flipping through the pages. Y’know, maybe she is not so bright or she has a thing for you?!
Question #8: My girlfriend has an incredible endurance for TV. She can stay on the couch for the whole weekend without leaving the house once. But I want to go out and do things on my days off. When she is over at my place, the TV is ALWAYS ON! HELP!
Answer: You should sign her up for the television marathon and see how long she can stay on the couch watching nonstop TV. If her super stamina for TV bothers you so much, you should tell her to go home and watch TV in her own space! On the other hand, you are in luck when the sports season begins. Since she loves TV, you two can watch all the games on TV together!
Question #9: I don’t get it. This happens to me all the time! I think I am a decent woman but other women tend to find me as a threat for no obvious reason. Do I really look that threatening? What do I do that’s so threatening?!
Answer: Oh sweetie, it is perfectly all right. You have a lot of sex appeal, in person and even in photos; other women can find this threatening. It may be something that you are not even trying to do, but it comes across pretty strong.
After all, you and the rest of single women force are after one thing – A Prince Charming, someone who can sweep you off your feet. It is a competitive world out there. And it’s every woman for herself!
You should be happy about your sex appeal and just look at it as a God’s gift to you! Obviously, you were born with it. Therefore, you should use it toward your advantage. Be yourself and be proud of who you are, Sexy Mama!
Question #10: Is it wrong to ask your partner for honest inputs?
Answer: Absolutely not! In fact, honesty is the best policy! However, you should keep in mind that sometimes truth hurts. Be prepared for what you are about to hear and it is not always pleasant.
There are women who like to ask the meaningless question, “Do I look fat?” They expect to hear a positive answer regardless of their body shape. Everyone likes to receive compliments, reassurances, and validations from others. After all, it is human nature wanting to feel good about ourselves.
People tend to be more cynical and perhaps critical toward people who are the closest to them. When you offer a chance for your partner to be honest and candid, he is likely to disregard your feelings.
Every man has his quirks and twists. Just remember to keep an open mind. No one is perfect and neither are you!
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Can We Be Friends?
The other day, I went to Costco for my weekly grocery shopping. As I was striding through the parking lot to get to my car, a black Mercedes was moving slowly alongside me. I thought that he slowed down to look for a parking space when the window on the driver’s side rolled down. A 40-something man with wire rim glasses appeared and he said, “Miss…May I ask for your number or maybe your Email address?”
I wasn’t exactly looking my best that day, not to mention that I was eating frozen yogurt out of a cup while pushing my shopping cart across the parking lot. Not classy at all! Not since last year in San Francisco, when strangers would try to make a pass at me, has there been a complete stranger with a similar attempt.
The Mercedes Benz stopped as I stood there, trying to figure out what had just happened. It was getting more and more interesting as we started a conversation.
Me: Well…this is kind of odd. Not that this is the first time I’ve encountered a situation like this, but this is the First in Taiwan for me.
Stranger: I am sure that you hear it all the time. You are very beautiful! I would like to get to know you better…Maybe we can meet for dinner?
Me: Thanks you! Hmmm, may I ask you a personal question? What is your marital status? I wouldn't want to be caught having dinner with a married man I hardly know.
Stranger: I am married. If you are looking marriage, then I am sorry, I’m already off the market. But I just want to get to know you better over a nice dinner and make a new friend. Is it that big of a deal?
Me: Ai Yai Yai... No, I am not looking for marriage and yes, there is nothing wrong about getting to know each other as people often do. However, it is odd to meet a married man for dinner when his wife probably has no idea about the rendezvous.
Does your wife allow you to have dinner with an unknown single woman? If I were married, I would not expect my husband to dine with an opposite sex whom he met at a random parking lot. I am wary of married men who try to ask me out for a date.
Before the strange married man had a chance to say another word, two people came toward the car next to me. "Excuse us!" one of them said to me.
“Certainly! Let me get out of your way!” I moved my shopping cart so that their car could back out from the space and then I just kept moving toward my car.
In all fairness, this married man had some strange guts to approach me. It is truly a bizarre incident! Had I not inquired about his marital status, he probably would not volunteer that information. What has this world come into? Infidelity is as big a threat to modern marriage as ice cream is to my waistline!
HBO had a series called "The Mind of the Married Man" a few years ago. It was the male version of its award winning show, “Sex and the City.” The show didn’t fly at all. Something was missing – lack of beautiful women in skimpy outfits. Maybe the viewers didn’t care much about what’s going on in the mind of the married man – in fact, not much is happening anyway.
In one episode, a beautiful woman walked into a bar alone as a group of married men watched her in awe.
One said, “Damn….check her out. What a knockout!”
Another expressed his overwhelming joy, “I would give anything just to be with her! She is the kind of a perfect woman that every man desires!”
“You know what? I bet whoever is doing her is tired of her already!”A wise man spoke up.
A profound revelation was born!
Therefore, the morale of the story is that a man can be married to a supermodel and it is only matters of time before he gets tired of her (i.e. the seven-year itch). This just goes to show that Men are greedy!
Is it too much to ask for a man who will always love me and never get tired of being with me? Will he be into me ‘till the end of the world?
Denzel Washington...My Dream Man!
I wasn’t exactly looking my best that day, not to mention that I was eating frozen yogurt out of a cup while pushing my shopping cart across the parking lot. Not classy at all! Not since last year in San Francisco, when strangers would try to make a pass at me, has there been a complete stranger with a similar attempt.
The Mercedes Benz stopped as I stood there, trying to figure out what had just happened. It was getting more and more interesting as we started a conversation.
Me: Well…this is kind of odd. Not that this is the first time I’ve encountered a situation like this, but this is the First in Taiwan for me.
Stranger: I am sure that you hear it all the time. You are very beautiful! I would like to get to know you better…Maybe we can meet for dinner?
Me: Thanks you! Hmmm, may I ask you a personal question? What is your marital status? I wouldn't want to be caught having dinner with a married man I hardly know.
Stranger: I am married. If you are looking marriage, then I am sorry, I’m already off the market. But I just want to get to know you better over a nice dinner and make a new friend. Is it that big of a deal?
Me: Ai Yai Yai... No, I am not looking for marriage and yes, there is nothing wrong about getting to know each other as people often do. However, it is odd to meet a married man for dinner when his wife probably has no idea about the rendezvous.
Does your wife allow you to have dinner with an unknown single woman? If I were married, I would not expect my husband to dine with an opposite sex whom he met at a random parking lot. I am wary of married men who try to ask me out for a date.
Before the strange married man had a chance to say another word, two people came toward the car next to me. "Excuse us!" one of them said to me.
“Certainly! Let me get out of your way!” I moved my shopping cart so that their car could back out from the space and then I just kept moving toward my car.
In all fairness, this married man had some strange guts to approach me. It is truly a bizarre incident! Had I not inquired about his marital status, he probably would not volunteer that information. What has this world come into? Infidelity is as big a threat to modern marriage as ice cream is to my waistline!
HBO had a series called "The Mind of the Married Man" a few years ago. It was the male version of its award winning show, “Sex and the City.” The show didn’t fly at all. Something was missing – lack of beautiful women in skimpy outfits. Maybe the viewers didn’t care much about what’s going on in the mind of the married man – in fact, not much is happening anyway.
In one episode, a beautiful woman walked into a bar alone as a group of married men watched her in awe.
One said, “Damn….check her out. What a knockout!”
Another expressed his overwhelming joy, “I would give anything just to be with her! She is the kind of a perfect woman that every man desires!”
“You know what? I bet whoever is doing her is tired of her already!”A wise man spoke up.
A profound revelation was born!
Therefore, the morale of the story is that a man can be married to a supermodel and it is only matters of time before he gets tired of her (i.e. the seven-year itch). This just goes to show that Men are greedy!
Is it too much to ask for a man who will always love me and never get tired of being with me? Will he be into me ‘till the end of the world?
Denzel Washington...My Dream Man!
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Breaking Up...
The past cannot be changed, the future is still in your power.
~Hugh White~
Premeditated Breakups
Over the weekend, there were two reported brutal murders involving disgruntled ex-lovers who could not deal with relationship breakups. In both cases, the victims were women and they didn’t survive the grisly attacks.
Coincidentally, two of my close friends experienced “premeditated” relationship breakups one after another.
My friend B has wanted to break up with his boyfriend for weeks now. He initiated to call it quits but failed. His boyfriend convinced him to give it another chance. His reason for their breakup is simple. He is not satisfied sexually. Of course, that is not it. He also mentions a few others, such as the lacks of mutual interests and stimulating conversations.
Perhaps something came over him on Friday night. He decided to put his foot down and get it over for the last time. Surprisingly, his boyfriend reacted calmly and just packed up his things and left quietly. He did not beg for one more chance and nor did he make a dramatic scene. There was no bickering at all. Then it began to hit my friend B hard and he sunk into depression caused by post-breakup.
I am trying to be supportive though there is not much I can do for him. He is feeling sad and trying to cope with his loss. This might sound cruel but he asked for it, y’know. Breaking up has been in the plan for quite some time. I’m surprised that it did not happen sooner.
I know I’m too harsh on him but I still need to say this, “Get over it. Breaking up with him is what you wanted. Now you are a free agent again, you’re depressed?!” Take it like a man. You are responsible for your own action. Don’t do anything that you are not prepared for.”
Relationships = Underwear
My friend N ended his long distance relationship today over MSN. Amazingly, there was no exchange of vulgar language. It was a simple “Hi, bye, thank you for the good times. Good luck and I hope you find the man you desire.”
Wow! It is very cold-blooded but yet quick and almost painless! He just dropped him like a loose button. I want to nominate him for the Year of Fearless Individuals!
It is not very personal but hey, they are thousands of miles away from each other. It will be too costly to take an international flight so that they can break up face-to-face.
In recent weeks, my friend N felt that they were drifting apart. He was receiving less love letters via Emails and his boyfriend “Lemon Boi” rarely made appearances in MSN where they used to chat daily, up to several times a day. It was only a hutch but he smelled something fishy.
Supposedly, his boyfriend took a weekend trip to Hong Kong and explained to everyone that the purpose of the weekend getaway was for a musical since he is such an Abba’s fan. Mama Mia! He went and returned without seeing the show. Moreover, he was vague about what he did over there. Then I saw him at a friend’s birthday party. He brought a date and introduced him as “My friend Aussie the Rabbit” who is from Hong Kong.”
I am no Sherlock Holmes but things just did not add up. I put the two and two together. Voila! I had serious suspicions that Lemon boi two-timed my friend N.
My friend N says, “A relationship is like a pair of underwear; once it gets dirty and stinky you just change, and throw the old pair away and ON ANOTHER.”
Cheer Up! Look On the Bright Side!
Ai Yai Yai. My friend N’s testament on relationship is probably the reflection of my early 20s. I went thru so many men in a short period that I forgot their names weeks after the love affairs ended.
Two years ago, my sister broke up for the last time with her old flame from high school and immediately became involved with the man she has now. She first insinuated to the poor guy over the phone that it was over. He didn’t get it until she literally spelled it out for him. The shocking news crushed him. He then started calling my mom almost everyday and couldn’t stop sobbing. Yikes. A man who cries like a baby over a breakup is annoying.
I didn’t care for the guy but I really wanted to tell him, “Look! What’s done is done. Let it be. Let bygones be bygones. There is nothing you can do to bring back the love you once had with my sister. Her love is moving onto the next one in line. You probably feel like shit. You should not allow this to ruin your life. If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, then it’s time for things to look up again for you. This is not the end of the world. It was a love affair not meant to be. Remember the good times and move on with your life already!”
My mom probably felt sympathetic toward him; after all, my sister dumped him. I think, deep down, my mom prefers my sister and I to date Chinese men. Therefore, when my sister broke up with the crying baby who happens to be Chinese, the breakup ended my mother’s dream for my sister to be with someone our own kind.
When things ended with my Chinese American boyfriend, he was more concerned about my mom’s reaction and offered to call my mother up. It was absurd! I would like to hear how he explained to my mother the reasons for our breakup. Nonetheless, he understood the disappointment my mom would experience when she learned of our failed relationship.
Mark My Words!
There is never an easy way to end a dying love affair. Oftentimes, breakups are premeditated. You can take weeks to plan a nice way to exit but it can never come out right. Some choose to end things over the phone. That is very chicken shit! On the other hand, that is probably a safer bet if your soon-to-be-ex is psycho and is prone to get violent physically.
I have been on both sides of relationship breakups. Being a heartbreaker takes guts and the person you break up with hates your guts. Most people have difficulties coping with breakups. At school, no one learns how to break up properly or how to cope with breakups.
It is easier said than done. However, when a breakup is inevitable, don’t let yourself slump into depression. You will feel miserable only if you allow yourself to feel that way.
Have faith! The next one is always better until you land on an absolute gem.
Mom says, "You two are heartbreakers!"
But Mum...the next one is always better!
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Disclaimer
As a reader, please respect that this blog is sacred. It is my memoir and it reflects what is on my mind at the time of writing. My thinking may or may not evolve over time. The views, opinions, observations, and stories expressed on this blog are personal. I have experience in the things I write about and there are parallels in my writing. I do my best to ensure the accuracy in everything I write.
Most of my writing is fun and humorous. There is a small part where I examine my own mistakes and the consequences caused by my decisions truthfully. People can read into it and derive their own conclusion. If you like what you read, please drop me a line. If not, it is best to keep your own judgment to yourself.
I do not intend to make public the private lives of others, especially those whom I am no longer associated with and I have chosen not to disclose names. From now on, I will use alias in my stories and will go through my archive to take out any names mentioned in the past entries. I am not about to hurt people and neither is my writing.
If you have a real life relationship with me, then I’d recommend that you view my blog as a fiction based on facts. If you believe that a particular story is about you and you don’t appreciate it, please be calm, reasonable and polite or you can simply stop reading the blog.
No characters, except for certain renowned persons who are identified by their true names, are fashioned by their real names. Any resemblance between the characters and actual persons you may know is entirely coincidental.
Thank you!
Most of my writing is fun and humorous. There is a small part where I examine my own mistakes and the consequences caused by my decisions truthfully. People can read into it and derive their own conclusion. If you like what you read, please drop me a line. If not, it is best to keep your own judgment to yourself.
I do not intend to make public the private lives of others, especially those whom I am no longer associated with and I have chosen not to disclose names. From now on, I will use alias in my stories and will go through my archive to take out any names mentioned in the past entries. I am not about to hurt people and neither is my writing.
If you have a real life relationship with me, then I’d recommend that you view my blog as a fiction based on facts. If you believe that a particular story is about you and you don’t appreciate it, please be calm, reasonable and polite or you can simply stop reading the blog.
No characters, except for certain renowned persons who are identified by their true names, are fashioned by their real names. Any resemblance between the characters and actual persons you may know is entirely coincidental.
Thank you!
Friday, October 01, 2004
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