When I was young...
In the Good Ol’ Days
Back in the days, this is how it worked.
As I entered the room, a man stared at me. The body language could be translated literally as, “Hey! You seem nice. I would like to talk to you."
If I didn’t care much for the guy, I would probably wince and walk away.
But what if he's "yummy-looking"? A big grin would appear on my face.
We started exchanging eye contacts. If he’s smart enough to pick up my signal, he would come up to me. As he moved toward me, the jitters might be overwhelming. Then we chatted briefly and he would use the opportunity to ask for my number. I would write my number on a piece of napkin with my lipstick.
However, I would tell him that I had a boyfriend if I was not interested. I could never leave anyone a phony number. I believe in cosmic balance – lying can cause bad karma! Y’know, goes around comes around!
It’s almost like an unwritten rule. He waited three days before calling to ask me out on a date. Getting ready for the first date was painstaking and I started getting the butterflies before he rang my doorbell.
As I opened my door, he would be standing there with a bouquet of red roses. Flowers made a good impression before the date even began.
When I was in high school, a friend offered her advice on the Do’s and Don’ts on dates. “You always eat before they pick you up. No boys want to go out with girls who pig out in front of them!” she assured me.
WHAT? If that’s true, why did they bother taking me to a romantic restaurant so that I could watch them eat a piece of big fat juicy steak? That was just WRONG! Hey! I wanted some of that, too! Give me that steak!
You can call me an old-fashioned kinda girl at heart. I like to be wined and dined. You can bet your life on it that I will always complete the five-course meal and never miss a dessert! A few times, I even ordered two desserts! I offered to share them but my dates pretty much just watched me finish them in awe!
If we generated some sort of ‘talking chemistry’ during dinner, then it’s a hit! Only if we hit it off, then we would go on a second date and so on.
The way we bid good night was a good indication of how well the evening went. If my date was permitted to perform some French kisses, it was a good thing. It meant that I definitely enjoyed the dinner and the company.
If I shook his hand as we stood outside my door (Hell No! Don’t even think about coming in, I thought to myself!), it was a lost cause. The hand shaking was the absolute worst a man could expect at the end of a date. We could be friends, no?
It’s worth another attempt if he got a little “kiss-kiss n’ hug-hug” from me. I probably wasn’t sure how I felt about my date. In other words, after school detention was the status quo until further observations. Do not despair. There’s hope!
When things progressed like smooth sailing, I may become head over heel and get all ‘gaga’ over him. Soon we would become an item and start using the official terms – boyfriend and girlfriend.
In conclusion, dating was fun, heartfelt, and not-so-complicated. Often times there were a lot of Ooohs and Aaahs...I miss that feeling!
Fast Track to Present Days
Now, I have a different approach. Before I go on a date with someone new, I need to conduct the following:
1. Background check
Where did you go to school? What did you study? Did you finish your degree?
What is your employment history? Have you ever been fired from any previous employers?
Are you a jet setter? Do you speak any foreign languages?
How many times have you been married? Any kids? Several kids by different mothers?
Have you knocked up anyone in the past?
Have you ever been arrested? Any criminal record?
How will you best describe your belief or values when it comes to family, money, and social status?
2. Lifestyle & Personal habits questionnaire
Are you a smoker?
Are you on Prozac? Is there a history of depression in your family?
Are you a pothead or a druggie?
Are you a sports fanatic?
Are you punctual?
Are you good at making plans?
Are you still paying your ex for child support?
What are your dreams and goals?
What is your definition of culture and I don’t mean yogurt?
What is the biggest complaint from your ex?
Do you believe in marriage and monogamy?
Do you consider yourself “vain”?
Do you enjoy performing arts?
Do you often get involved in bar fights?
Do you manage your personal finance well? You do have a savings account, right?
Do you live with your mother? Does your mother do your laundry?
Do you keep your apartment neat and clean?
Do you have any outstanding parking tickets or arrest warrant issued for your ass?
Have you ever physically abused a woman? Have you been sent to anger management classes by a court order?
Is your Friday night reserved for the indefinite happy hours with the boyz?
3. STD test result
Please provide the most recent one and any test result that’s older than six months is not acceptable.
Damn! This is harder than a job interview! There is no wonder why I am still single.
What I Really Think of Marriage
A friend is having a status issue and I can help him out if we get married. He even went to the American embassy to get a legal proof from the U.S. government saying that he is single and therefore, he can marry under the marriage law in Taiwan.
After thinking it over, I realize that I cannot go through with it. It is more than just giving out a helping hand. There is so much more involved than meets the eye.
What do you know, uh? I am a bit old school in my approach to marriage – just once for me will be enough. Knowing it is a quick fix to my friend’s status issue, we will for sure divorce in a matter of time. I don’t think I can live with that. Having a divorce record is not part of my life plans. Yah, I’m a neat freak! LOL.
