The past cannot be changed, the future is still in your power.
~Hugh White~
Premeditated Breakups
Over the weekend, there were two reported brutal murders involving disgruntled ex-lovers who could not deal with relationship breakups. In both cases, the victims were women and they didn’t survive the grisly attacks.
Coincidentally, two of my close friends experienced “premeditated” relationship breakups one after another.
My friend B has wanted to break up with his boyfriend for weeks now. He initiated to call it quits but failed. His boyfriend convinced him to give it another chance. His reason for their breakup is simple. He is not satisfied sexually. Of course, that is not it. He also mentions a few others, such as the lacks of mutual interests and stimulating conversations.
Perhaps something came over him on Friday night. He decided to put his foot down and get it over for the last time. Surprisingly, his boyfriend reacted calmly and just packed up his things and left quietly. He did not beg for one more chance and nor did he make a dramatic scene. There was no bickering at all. Then it began to hit my friend B hard and he sunk into depression caused by post-breakup.
I am trying to be supportive though there is not much I can do for him. He is feeling sad and trying to cope with his loss. This might sound cruel but he asked for it, y’know. Breaking up has been in the plan for quite some time. I’m surprised that it did not happen sooner.
I know I’m too harsh on him but I still need to say this, “Get over it. Breaking up with him is what you wanted. Now you are a free agent again, you’re depressed?!” Take it like a man. You are responsible for your own action. Don’t do anything that you are not prepared for.”
Relationships = Underwear
My friend N ended his long distance relationship today over MSN. Amazingly, there was no exchange of vulgar language. It was a simple “Hi, bye, thank you for the good times. Good luck and I hope you find the man you desire.”
Wow! It is very cold-blooded but yet quick and almost painless! He just dropped him like a loose button. I want to nominate him for the Year of Fearless Individuals!
It is not very personal but hey, they are thousands of miles away from each other. It will be too costly to take an international flight so that they can break up face-to-face.
In recent weeks, my friend N felt that they were drifting apart. He was receiving less love letters via Emails and his boyfriend “Lemon Boi” rarely made appearances in MSN where they used to chat daily, up to several times a day. It was only a hutch but he smelled something fishy.
Supposedly, his boyfriend took a weekend trip to Hong Kong and explained to everyone that the purpose of the weekend getaway was for a musical since he is such an Abba’s fan. Mama Mia! He went and returned without seeing the show. Moreover, he was vague about what he did over there. Then I saw him at a friend’s birthday party. He brought a date and introduced him as “My friend Aussie the Rabbit” who is from Hong Kong.”
I am no Sherlock Holmes but things just did not add up. I put the two and two together. Voila! I had serious suspicions that Lemon boi two-timed my friend N.
My friend N says, “A relationship is like a pair of underwear; once it gets dirty and stinky you just change, and throw the old pair away and ON ANOTHER.”
Cheer Up! Look On the Bright Side!
Ai Yai Yai. My friend N’s testament on relationship is probably the reflection of my early 20s. I went thru so many men in a short period that I forgot their names weeks after the love affairs ended.
Two years ago, my sister broke up for the last time with her old flame from high school and immediately became involved with the man she has now. She first insinuated to the poor guy over the phone that it was over. He didn’t get it until she literally spelled it out for him. The shocking news crushed him. He then started calling my mom almost everyday and couldn’t stop sobbing. Yikes. A man who cries like a baby over a breakup is annoying.
I didn’t care for the guy but I really wanted to tell him, “Look! What’s done is done. Let it be. Let bygones be bygones. There is nothing you can do to bring back the love you once had with my sister. Her love is moving onto the next one in line. You probably feel like shit. You should not allow this to ruin your life. If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, then it’s time for things to look up again for you. This is not the end of the world. It was a love affair not meant to be. Remember the good times and move on with your life already!”
My mom probably felt sympathetic toward him; after all, my sister dumped him. I think, deep down, my mom prefers my sister and I to date Chinese men. Therefore, when my sister broke up with the crying baby who happens to be Chinese, the breakup ended my mother’s dream for my sister to be with someone our own kind.
When things ended with my Chinese American boyfriend, he was more concerned about my mom’s reaction and offered to call my mother up. It was absurd! I would like to hear how he explained to my mother the reasons for our breakup. Nonetheless, he understood the disappointment my mom would experience when she learned of our failed relationship.
Mark My Words!
There is never an easy way to end a dying love affair. Oftentimes, breakups are premeditated. You can take weeks to plan a nice way to exit but it can never come out right. Some choose to end things over the phone. That is very chicken shit! On the other hand, that is probably a safer bet if your soon-to-be-ex is psycho and is prone to get violent physically.
I have been on both sides of relationship breakups. Being a heartbreaker takes guts and the person you break up with hates your guts. Most people have difficulties coping with breakups. At school, no one learns how to break up properly or how to cope with breakups.
It is easier said than done. However, when a breakup is inevitable, don’t let yourself slump into depression. You will feel miserable only if you allow yourself to feel that way.
Have faith! The next one is always better until you land on an absolute gem.
Mom says, "You two are heartbreakers!"
But Mum...the next one is always better!
