Come What May

Worry of the Moment

My current position in life worries me because I am not where I had envisioned for myself. I should have been married by now and have a career that’s promising.

So, my life is not going as well as my expectation. Marriage is my least concern since everyone says it’s ALL ABOUT TIMING. It certainly can wait but I would like to lead a fabulous lifestyle as I once did. In the meantime, I need to figure it out how to get back on track on my own and no one else can help me with it.

In all fairness, I’ve gone thru more than my shares of gigs that didn’t pan out. Opportunities came and disappeared. I figure that they are not meant to be.

Nonetheless, there are times I do feel down when I think about the fact that I’m not making more out of myself. The thought makes me hide in my crib and avoids social scenes because that way, no one can ask me that tiring question, “So, what are you doing for money now?”

Since I was little, I had always dreamed of becoming a successful person – in my own mind and in a conventional way as well. Everyone tells me that I’m talented and deserve better, they see me going to places, they have a hutch that I’ll end up with something major in the future…blah blah blah.

Then I wonder why my big break still hasn’t come? I understand that my job search is going to be more difficult than most people’s are because I rule out conventional jobs and anything that requires sitting at a desk from 9 to 6. Great patience is needed. However, I am slowly losing my faith and looking for a boost of energy to carry on.

Am I wasting my potential by taking too much time in order to land on a satisfying job? Why an ambitious chick like me is doing so little? I would love to make the best out of myself but I have not encountered a somewhat enticing opportunity until now.

A New Chapter

I was busy last week. Well, sort of. I went through a series of auditions, including the final on Thursday. A brand new Home Shopping Network in Taiwan plans to do a soft launch in December and the cable network will officially be in business on January 1, 2005.

Yesterday I signed away the next three years of my life by agreeing to be one of the hosts on the network. The training courses will begin next Monday. In terms of opportunities, Asia seems to have more than the rest of the world because most Asian countries are still developing. As for the States, it’s all set and it’s rare you’ll find employment with something that is starting brand new.

Oddly enough, most of my job prospects since college graduation have enabled me to help pilot something new. Therefore, I have a good feeling about it though I can tell you now that I will bitch about it for sure. That’s a given. It’s in my nature to do so.

My first job at the radio station was to produce a two-hour magazine-style morning news program. It was a triumph for the station and the first of its kind in Taiwan’s broadcasting industry.

Earlier this year, I helped Aljazeera cover the presidential election and it was the first time this allegedly terrorist-affiliated network came to Taiwan.

This summer I helped produce a one-hour demo tape that covers current affairs and news in Asia for a Taiwan multi-media company. If this network successfully launches next year, it will be the first Asian network broadcasting in English for the North American audience.

The biggest advantage in working for something that starts with a clean slate is that there is no baggage and neither previous history to match up. Anything goes.

I find this offer challenging because it is so new – it’s not even officially on air yet. It seems natural to go from radio to TV. A brand new network is capable to making anyone a star.

Final Round of Audition

On the day of the final, I was not nervous. Since most of the work experiences I had this year were TV-related, I have had quite a bit of trainings in front of the camera. When I stood in front of a judge panel made out of 10 influential figures from the management, I knew I probably got the gig.

Something gets better with age, such as intuition. I didn’t have a self-inflated ego just because I seem to have more experiences than most contestants do do. Confidence is the secret to winning almost anything or anyone for that matter.

The Ball Is In My Court

When the phone call came in and I learned that I’m one of the few chosen ones, I was ecstatic! It was the day after the final and they asked me to come in ASAP to discuss the contract. All I could think about in my mind was “The ball is in my court – the network is waiting to talk business with me so that I can sign the contract.”

Then I met the programming director and he went over the terms with me. He had hoped that I would sign the contract on the spot. I told him that I needed to sleep on it and he agreed to give me 24 hours to think it through. They are in a hurry to get this network up and running.

Honestly, I can imagine what to expect when the network premieres officially. The network can tell me how they envision it but you know how it is, things will never turn out exactly the way they describe. Think about every job you’ve done in your life. You’ll always find something in it that is very different from your expectation. Yes, I’m interested but I have no way to find out if it is interesting until I actually get to do it.

I like to shop and I even like to help friends and family shop. I like to look for bargains. I enjoy the finer things in life. I like to talk and share my ideas / thoughts / opinions. I can convey many things to people. All that makes me somewhat qualified to do this job. After all, TV shopping network aims to ‘convince’ their viewers to pick up the phone to place an order.

All I can think of now is, "This seems to be up in my alley!"

Am I Really Interested in Appearing On TV Shopping Network? Any Concerns?

It is a three-year contract. For me, it seems a bit too long. 18 months or even 2 years are acceptable. I never signed anything that’s longer than one year. Three years seems overwhelming. So, the duration of the contract is one concern; the other is that the network wants to represent me as my agent. In other words, I won’t be able to take outside gigs on my own (as I used to when I was in radio and made quick $ elsewhere). Even if I do get anything outside the network, they can take a cut (20%) of whatever I do. That sucks. I never had an agent.

Despite of a three-year commitment, it’s the only thing that’s coming my way since I failed to obtain a radio gig in China last month. Doesn’t this seem promising? I’ve been out of the showbiz scene that I need to start somewhere!

For the 1st year, I won’t be able to take any vacation and that idea scares the shit out of me. In other words, my next overseas travel will take place in 2006!!! I know I’ll feel trapped but supposedly, I’ll be so busy that I won’t have time to think about going anywhere.

A few weeks ago, I promised my pal Grumpy that we will throw a Viva Las Vegas in 2005. Now it looks like we’ll have to postpone Vegas for a later date! At least I know that I’ll come with play money when I hit Vegas next time. There’s nothing suckier than going to Vegas with no money to shop!

My godbrother thinks I’m ‘too good’ for the job and tells me to think it over. I decided to go for it because I’m beginning to get tired of being at home a lot. I’m fortunate that I don’t have any economical pressure but I’ve waited long enough.

This seemingly promising gig is the only thing that is for real at the moment. It is a gratifying feeling to know that I’m wanted. If I pass it up, how much longer will I have to wait before another suitable gig comes my way?

My issue is not financial. It’s the fact that the longer I wait for a good gig to come around, the more of my pride and self-worth are chipping away. Sometimes I almost don’t feel myself. And it is so not me to keep friends and social scenes out of my sight because I don’t want to hear “how’s the job hunt?” again. Oftentimes it’s hard to feel fulfilled when I’m aloof.

Maybe I’m not as talented as everyone says. Maybe I need to accept this offer just to prove that I still got it. It might help find myself again and regain the self-confidence I always had.

Working for an English-speaking radio station in Taiwan can only reach a certain amount of listeners. After all, this is a Chinese-speaking island. Being on TV and speaking Chinese / Taiwanese will no doubt reach out to a wider range of audience.

Too Thin? No Such A Thing!

In the TV world, no one can ever be too thin. Oh yeah, another thing…I’ll have to lose weight. Lots of it.

For my height 5 foot 4, I need to weigh no more than 100 lbs. in order to look ‘just right’ on TV. Yeah…just about 120. The last time I was below 118 was my senior year in high school. I was constantly reminded of my ‘weight’ since the first audition.

Overall, they find my face pretty enough but the rest…very much big boned! This is the cruel reality of TV business, even more so in Asia than anywhere else! So, I probably have lost a few pounds since last week because I was so intense during each round and tried to eat as little as possible in order to look petite.

I have never been skinny and my face has always been round since the day I was born. It will be interesting to see how small I can become physically if I stay on a very restricted diet. Boobs and face are the first things to go when most women lose weight.

I’m often told that I’m made for something big. Any truth to that? Gotta find out for myself.

My ex said to me once, “I think you will end up with something major in the future. I have a good feeling about it. Don’t worry about the measly jobs not panning out. They aren’t worth your time anyway. It’s a way of filtering out the crap jobs until a good one sticks. It’s all about future returns, not about the short-term gains. And the only way to pick the right one is to take your time, as much time as you see fit. When you feel just right about something, you will know.”

I think I feel for this TV gig. It is not the end. It is a new beginning and it spells A-D-V-E-N-T-U-R-E!