Two weekends ago, a friend was getting ready to take a long overdue vacation. He was so excited that he had this “before the holidays glow” on his face. He had a few business ideas that he wanted to talk to me about after he returned. Last week I learned that he never made it. The day before his departure, his mother passed away. She was so unhappy that she committed suicide.
Does anyone know how to cope with such sudden death? I’m lost for words. When my friend told me about his mother, I offered my sincere condolence and asked if there is anything I can do to help. He said he would like to organize a candlelight vigil for his mother because her life ended unhappily.
In Memory of David Wang
In the last 30 years of my life, I had a few encounters with death. My grandparents from my maternal family passed away one after another. They died of natural causes. Their death was peaceful. They passed away during their sleep.
For the first time, someone I was once close to passed away. David Wang is survived by his wife Margaret and a barely two-year-old son. He just turned 39 this past May.
Once upon a time, David and I were the only Taiwanese DJs at ICRT, which is an English radio station. We both are influent in English, Mandarin, and Taiwanese. David and I used to work side by side at the radio station. My show was from 12 noon to 4 pm on weekdays followed by his program, which went from 4 to 8 pm. He would always come in a few minutes early to prep and we would have a quick chat about everything, especially cars and watches. He was a watch collector. When I bought my QX4, he wanted to know if I liked it enough to recommend it. When I got an Omega watch, he was the first to compliment it.
He and Margaret always wanted a kid and it took years to have their dream come true.
I still remember the joyful look on his face when he announced the news of his newly born son.
A few years ago, the station teamed us up to host the annual Full-Moon Festival. It was an outdoor concert featuring local pop singers. We were expecting a few thousands to turn up for the event. Before we went on stage, he said to me, “You just go out there and show them all you have got. I’ll just follow your lead. Break a leg, kiddo!” He was such a low-key person. Most DJs I know would do everything and anything just to attract attention and get that 30 seconds of fame. We had perfect chemistry on stage that night and the party was a total success!
Six months after his son was born, David found out that he had liver cancer. He thought, “This must be a joke from God.”
How could this be? He led a healthy lifestyle. He quit smoking six years ago and ran 10 K a day diligently. He didn’t drink either. He followed every rule in the health bible. He did not deserve to have cancer. He was such a nice guy and he never had a negative thing to say about anyone. He always kept everything to himself.
Since May 2003, David had two operations to remove the cancer cells. He refused to go through chemotherapy and chose alternative medicine and treatments instead. People couldn't tell that he was ill. He appeared strong and positive. Everyone thought that he had beat the cancer.
When I learned the tragic news today, I was awed into silence. He was so young. He has so much ahead of him. Just like that, he left this world. I wanted to cry when I read about him in the newspaper. I turned on the TV and all I saw was report on David’s death.
How can life be this fragile? David was a fighter. He didn’t think God would play such a joke on him. His family depends on him. He had dreams not yet fulfilled. He told everyone that he was going to beat this cancer and continue to broadcast on the radio until his last breath.
David passed away at 1:40 AM, Saturday, September 4th, 2004. It happened so sudden that he didn’t leave a will behind. He didn’t leave any last word. David thought he was going to get better. He didn’t think that God would come pick him up for heaven so soon. He’s only 39.
David, we will be missing you. I know when I look up in the sky, you will be smiling at me, “Break a leg, kiddo! Show them all you have got!”
In Memory of David Wang
May 24, 1965 - September 4, 2004
Neglecting Your Loved Ones
As I reminisce the radio days with great sadness, my mom knocks on my door. She looks pale. She says she has been vomiting since this afternoon and asks if I can take her to the emergency room.
I panic. My mommy is sick.
We hop on a cab and head toward the nearest hospital. Within less than two minutes, she starts throwing up again. I don’t have a plastic bag or anything. So I ask the driver to pull over. The cabbi freaks out and worries about his backseat. She jumps out the cab and starts throwing up by the curbside. I pay the fare and let go the taxi.
“Do you have friends in the area that might let me have some change of clothes?” my mom asks. We’re only two blocks away from home. She doesn’t want to go to the E.R. with stinky clothes. We get another cab to go home.
When you are in a hurry, a two-block ride in the taxi seems forever. She tries so hard to hold it in even though I can tell she is feeling sick and wants to throw up again.
After my mom changes into some clean clothes, we head out to the hospital again. She throws up one last time in the cab.
On a Sunday night, E.R. has an old doctor on duty; he is so old that we have trouble understanding him. It sounds like another language to me. He wants to know what my mom’s symptoms are. We keep repeating our explanation and then he asks again. By the fifth time, he finally understands the problem.
“So, you have a headache that is so severe that causes you to vomit?” he says.
My mom has long suffered chronicle headache since her 20s. This medical condition has no cure. Seeing my mom like this really breaks my heart and it gives me a scare.
When she sits there in the emergency room, I realize that I have not taken a good look at my mother for a while. Her hair has turned silver white and her face shows signs of aging. After all, my mom is 57 this year. I know it’s only natural for my parents to age. To them, I am never going to grow up. I will always be a kid. To me, my parents are always going to be around because they are my parents. They give me advice and guidance in life. What am I going to do without them? The thought of ever losing my folks scares the shit out of me.
I begin to wonder if I don’t care about her enough. I have been living with her the past six months. She has been nothing but supportive. She knows I’m not having an easy year trying to make it as a free lancer. She puts up with my moodiness. She keeps asking me to go to the movies together but I keep putting it off.
Now I feel like a lousy selfish daughter.
If Today Is Your Last Day
What will you do if today is your last day on earth?
There is so much that I want to do. I have so many dreams have yet come true. If I compose a list of unfinished business, it probably can last a mile long. I have childhood friends who I somehow have lost in touch over the years and I want to resume our friendship. I want to travel around the world in 80 days and stop at every city where I have friends. I want to go to Bangkok with my gay boyfriends and join the Asian Gay Pride Parade.
Let’s face it. Life is too short for us to be holding grudges against others. What for? We have one life to live. We should let go our inhibitions and do the things that we always dream. Why do we keep putting things off? Why do we contemplate to make positive changes in life? Why do we always begin to appreciate a good thing only when it’s gone? Why do we neglect to care for our loved ones when they are around us? Why do we keep saying “Tomorrow” when we can do it today?
Live your life to the fullest. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back because you are worth it. Life is worth the risk you are about to take. Life will be no fun if you don’t take your chances. When it is your turn to head to a better place, you can say to yourself, “I have lived my life to the fullest, I have loved and I have been loved. I have given all I have got to life and made the best out of it.”
Live everyday as if it is your last. If you ever stumble in life, don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t let the mishaps get to you. It is never too late to have fun in life and it is never too late to cherish your friends and family the way they deserve. Don’t deny yourself any pleasure in life, no matter how small it is.
Tonight, I called up a friend from the past. Our friendship ended due to some misunderstanding. I cannot even remember what the fuzz was about back then. It caused our friendship to fade away. Whatever happened certainly wasn’t worth the precious friendship we had. We were best buds. Now we are two complete strangers for no reason. I said to him, “I just want to see how you are doing and to let you know that I miss you!” There. I did it.
If today is my last day, I have no regrets.
