How Well Do You Hold Your Liquor?
Did you hear about this last week?
SEATTLE, Washington (Reuters) -- A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday (August 18).
This two-year-old bear used his claws and teeth to open the beer cans. He’s one sophisticated bear. He first tried a mass-market Busch beer but switched to Rainier, a local brand of ale and ended up having 36 of it.
The bear must be a beer lover. He came back for more the next day. The wildlife agents set up a booby trap with honey (all bears love honey, right?), doughnuts (could they be Krispy Kreams? LOL!), and two cans of Rainier beer.
He's Allergic to Alcohol
Some people hold their liquor well; some are sloppy drunk; some are happy drunk. Then there are people who are allergic to alcohol. I had a boyfriend who is allergic to alcohol. I didn’t think it was possible until we met. It’s like any other allergy, I guess. I had a boyfriend who was allergic to dust and he lives in LA. Go figure! Some of my friends are allergic to mango and shrimp. Anyway, this guy couldn’t even touch any food that’s been marinated in cooking wine.
On our first date, we had dinner at a fusion restaurant and I ordered a dish called the Drunken Chicken. I didn’t think much about it. It’s like cold cuts, you know. He took a bite and said, “It tastes funny. Does it have alcohol in it?” Then I told him the chicken is marinated in rice wine. “Well, then…I can’t have any of it. I’m allergic to alcohol.” “What? You’re kidding me! You can’t even drink on your birthday?!”
I consider myself a social drinker. I don’t go crazy with drinking. The truth is I don’t even like the taste of it. However, my drinking history goes back in time. I started drinking at a young age because my dad would let me have a little alcohol at family gatherings. It was no big deal. All my cousins would have a sip or two when the occasions rose for a toast. I was 13 when my grandfather had his big bash for turning 80. Gotta drink to that! When I was 15, we took a family trip to Europe. Gotta drink to that! You can’t be in Europe and not taken the advantage of the good wines there!
I’m A Happy Drunk
Maybe once or twice a year, I just let it all hang out and go beyond tipsy. Usually it’s my birthday bash and that’s when you’ll catch me drinking like a fish. Despite being a social drinker myself, it would have been more fun if my boyfriend could consume just a little. He called me a happy drunk. I really am. I’m already flirtatious. When I’m under the influence, I’m just a big flirt and I’ll flirt with complete strangers.
It was my 28th birthday and I had this huge dinner party. 50 or more guests showed up. We had an Italian buffet featuring all you can drink red and white wine – good ones, too. So, everyone was getting wasted and my boyfriend was the only person who’s sober. You can’t blame him. He’s allergic to alcohol. Besides, he could take care of me when I’m completely gone. On the other hand, it’s really no fun for him when everyone is feeling Happy Happy Joy Joy and he was just wide-awake. He probably was annoyed by a room full of drunken people.
Oh yeah, we were silly. For photo op, I just had to sit on every man’s lap. It’s like a birthday ritual for me. Whether they’re there with a date or not, I took once a year opportunity and posed for a Kodak moment. When the pictures came out, they’re all of me sitting on my guy friends’ laps or me hugging and kissing somebody.
Then my friend Tomi (what a crazy girl!) told her boyfriend Peter to kiss my thigh…my inner thigh! So, I had to hike up my dress so that he could do it while Tomi took the picture! It was good clean fun. No harm was done.
Then my boss showed up and he’s like 3 hours late. So we decided to punish him. Aside from chuckling three glasses of wine in one setting, he had to put on lipstick and kissed my cleavage. He went for it and the whole room just went wild! Then boys and girls alike all smeared lipstick on their lips. Everyone was leaving kisses on wherever they could get to on my body.
By then, my man just couldn’t take it anymore. He stormed out of the party. Someone said to me, “Your boyfriend just walked out. He’s pissed!”
“Well, let him be. What a party pooper! (singing) It’s my birthday…I can cry if I want to…Can’t a girl have a little fun on her birthday? It happens like once a year…or twice a year if you’re Chinese!”
The party didn’t end there but I’ll spare you from the rest. Nonetheless, it was one hell of a birthday bash. My guests called the next day and they all said it was the best birthday party they’ve ever attended! Kudos to me. I just know how to throw a good party, uh?
Drinking – It Runs In the Family
Drinking seems to be a hobby in our family besides gambling. The two do go well together. The family gathering consists of lots of food, alcohol, and gambling as entertainment. I don't know what that is. I guess, they think drinking with your family members makes it okay. It's fun.
My grandmother is 95 this year and she still enjoys drinking. I have never seen her drunk and she can beat all her kids when it comes to drinking. She’s THAT GOOD!
Last year, I went to visit my sister in Baltimore for about a month. Then I seriously thought that she was turning into an alcoholic. To make the matter worse, her boyfriend Kevin loves a good drink as much as she does. At the end of the day, they’d meet at a bar where Kevin used to work and get pissy drunk. It was like almost everyday. It seemed to me that their bonding is rooted in alcohol.
We would pop open a bottle of wine at home and then go out for drinks afterwards. Then we would come home at like 3 o’clock in the morning and they would be looking for more and searching the whole apartment for liquor.
They are exactly your beer drinking. Beer has what…about 4.5% of alcohol. These kids love their hard liquor! They were still in school at the time and really didn’t have the disposable income for excessive drinking habit.
He's Got My Wallet!
One night the drinking started at home and they decided to go out for more drinks. Since Kevin used to work there, we could score free drinks from the bar. It was a bit crowded that night. So, there we were, standing by the bar, talking to the bartenders, trying to order drinks…then my sister said, “Hey! Here. I got a table for us.”
I turned around to see where she was. By the time I turned back to get my things so that I could move over to the table, my purse which I placed on the counter was wide open! In a split of a second, my wallet is missing! Kevin was on my left and it could only be the strange-looking black dude on my right. Sure enough, he was gone.
Suddenly, we’re all sober up! We started searching the entire premise, including the bathrooms. Then we ran outside to see if he was out there. The sucker drove away in a Benz right in front of us. Kevin definitely had a bit too much to drink but he managed to chase the black dude’s car. Luckily, it was a red light and surprisingly, he stopped. Kevin went up to the guy by his window, “Ummm, we think...we think you took my girlfriend’s sister’s wallet! Please give it back.”
He was so polite about it, you know. Kevin is a mellow guy. Under the circumstance, I would expect him to be more forceful. This is not the time to be a Mr. Nice Guy.
“Sir, I’m not accusing you or anything. We just want her wallet back or we’ll have to call the cops. Ummm...Can you pull over for a second while we call the cops?”
“Sure!” the black guy just drove away in his shiny Benz when the light turned green. See ya!
He Stripped Me and Took My Pictures!
Earlier this year Wallace, Thomas, and I would go see our friend Mark, a chiropractor in San Mateo, CA. to adjust our backs or fix whatever long-existing problems. One Monday we finished up early and Thomas suggested an early dinner at a sushi bar in San Francisco – it’s a Japanese sushi bar, owned by the Koreans, and the sushi chefs are Mexicans. He had a coupon for early birds on the dinner specials.
The best place to sit is at the sushi bar so that you can talk to the chefs and watch how they make the stuff. The door was just open for business and we were there already!
We really didn’t plan it out like this. We wanted to make a good use of Thomas’ coupon. Somehow, we started drinking. No, it was not Japanese draft beer. This is a sushi bar, hello! We went for sake. One shot after another, the Mexican chefs were making toasts to us like every three minutes. They even brought out their secretly stashed away tequila.
“Woa! Now, let the party begin!”
I know it’s bad to mix drinks but I have never drank sake and tequila one after another. Wallace and Thomas stopped half way thru dinner and I kept going at it. They just watched me in awe. They never saw me drinking this much!
Then my boyfriend called. He just got off work and wanted to know where I was. “Where are you? Why is it so noisy! Who are you with?”
He could tell from my voice that I’d been drinking. It really showed and I was super flirtatious on the phone.
“Here! I’ll let you talk to my Mexican chef. They’ll tell you where I am and you can come find me. Hurry up. I might pass out soon.”
My boyfriend is Latin and he grew up speaking Spanish. So I handed my cell phone to one of the sushi chefs. It turned out…they know each other. Geez, what a small world.
That night I had on a navy blue dress – button down style a.k.a. easy access. LOL! It’s funny how once the drinking began, the buttons would like pop up one by one. By the time, my boyfriend showed up, my feet were up on Wallace’s laps and my bra was somewhat visible. Not a pretty site!
Wallace and Thomas were a bit shaken up. They never met my Latin love. They just thought I had an imaginary boyfriend. Now, here’s a 6 foot 2, 200 lbs. Latin man standing in front of them. It was overwhelming, I guess.
My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He’s not in denial. He admits to enjoy drinking a bit too much but he says he’s not quitter! I think he’s hopeless. Oh well, no one is perfect, right?
However, when an alcoholic boyfriend sees his girlfriend all tipsy, super-friendly, and under the influence, he’s just not a happy camper. Our roles reverse suddenly. He told me to stop drinking because he knew what was coming and he asked the Mexican chefs to stop serving me tequila. Their conversation was in Spanish and I understood none of it. I just kept saying, “Okay…let’s make a toast to…” I showed no hesitation.
It was early when we left the sushi bar. He parked right outside. As soon as we got into the car, I opened the sunroof and put my feet up in the air. We drove all the way home with my feet up like that. I wonder how many passer-bys got to see my undie. I was wearing a dress, you know.
I don’t know why he decided to take me home instead of his house because the sushi bar is right around his neighborhood. I lived on Nob Hill which is downtown San Francisco. He parked a block away from my apartment building. As soon as we got out the car, I felt the need to throw up. So I puked into a big plant right in front of the Grace Cathedral. Yap, I threw up and my head was falling into the planet as I stood there. He had to pull my long hair in order to keep my head burying into my own vomits. That’s gotta hurt. I hate it when people pull my hair but I didn’t even feel a thing. A cop car drove by and even stopped to see what the commotion was. Then they saw me puking! Yikes. That just sounds gross. A few people who happened to walk by even came up to see if they could help. I love my good Samaritans in San Francisco!
Despite being drunk, I was able to open the building gate and the door. The last thing I remember was going into my bedroom and I fell on the carpet. I was gone. It was only 10 PM!
The next day I got up around six. I looked around – my boyfriend was dead asleep next to me and I was in my pajama. I don’t recall changing my clothes. Then he got up and started retelling lat night’s tale.
He said it was so early when I passed out. He was hoping somebody would call him to go get a drink together. He’s just not used to seeing me like that when he’s one who’s always under the influence. Nobody called and he fell asleep while lying next to me. Apparently, he did more than just changing my clothes. He even took my pictures as he undressed me and changed me into my pajama.
“You did not! When? You don’t even know where my digital camera is!” I had bought one not too long ago and I freaked out! I seriously had no recollection of being photographed.
“You told me where it was and even showed me how to use it when I asked you!”
“I did? Damn it. Let me see!”
I turned on my camera. Sure enough, there were pictures of me…in bed…on the floor.
Well, every so often you have to let your hair down and just relax. This babe is not always in total control of herself. LOL!
I deleted most of the pictures but I saved one for everyone’s amusement.
Warning: Do not mixed sake and tequila!
Coming Up: more drunk stories from me and my wonderful friends!
