You sent me a text message. It said, “So, do you want me to try to make a life for us together be it here in the USA or there…the question is do you want to do us together?”
You first asked me that question back in November 2008. It's January 2010 now.
My question is do you want us to be together? The reason I say that is because you seem unsure about what you want.
Back in October 2008 you said you were glad that we finally reunited and you wouldn’t let me go again. When you said you would come to Taiwan to see me and meet my family during the holiday season. I was thrilled even though it never happened. I understand that it was probably work-related and that’s perfectly fine.
Then you talked about meeting up in Hawaii for 4 days for Valentine’s Day. I looked into tickets and the airfare was rather expensive going from Taipei to Honolulu. I proposed to buy my own ticket from Taipei to San Francisco and you can get me the ticket from SFO to Hawaii since you offered to pay for it. Then you just disappeared. I had no idea what happened. No explanation was given and you wouldn’t return my calls / text messages / Emails. I didn’t know what to do but assumed that you met someone else. That’s okay. That didn’t bother me. What hurt me the most is that you just cut me off completely without a word.
A few months later I was back in San Francisco and I tried to Email you and even called you and left voicemails. NOTHIING. It’s like you no longer lived on this planet. I had no choice but put all this behind me. Then on Thanksgiving I received a text message from you, wishing me and my family a safe holiday season. I was dumbfounded. I wonder if you find joy in messing with my mind.
And the truth is that I don’t feel like you take me seriously. I feel disrespected when you said you would pick me up at 7:30 but didn’t show up ‘til 9. That’s happened every time when we’re supposed to meet up.
Let truth be told. I was prepared for what happened on Xmas Eve and Xmas day because you have done that to me twice already in the past. So when you didn’t come thru as promised I wasn’t hurt as last time but disappointed again. I didn’t even mind when my friends made fun of me, “got all dressed up with nowhere to go.” I knew planning could never catch up to changes, at least with you that seem to be the case so far.
So, I can tell you millions of times how I want to be with you. In the end you’ll have to make that decision. However, one of your text messages did confirm my suspicion.
“I ended my last relationship 4 months ago and 100% done by November 18.”
If my math is correct you were in a relationship during the summer when I was back in San Francisco. That explains why you never returned my calls / Emails.
Perhaps we both feel insecure about each other. That’s understandable. We hardly spend any time outside the bedroom. You know very little about me and I didn’t even know your first name is Fredrick until now.
I’m ready to settle down here or there or anywhere. But I feel that your heart is still drifting and you just like the idea of being with me.
I'm writing this with full honesty and I hope you can really open up our communication. Otherwise we'll be in this merry-go-round forever and you'll still be asking me the same question, "do you want me to try to make a life for us together be it here in the USA or there"
By all means you know where to find me when you're truly ready!
