Two months ago, I received an Email from a former colleague. We hardly talked to each other when we both worked at the radio station. She left and then came back and then left again. Six months later I followed suit and went back to the States for a year. Our interaction began after we both quit radio.
She became a born-again in 2000. Since then, it seems to me that becoming religious have brought out the negativity out of her. She was quite bubbly in her days on the airwave and she just doesn’t seem as happy now. I am not saying that religion has a less positive influence on her. However, her self-discovery journey seems to bring her pain and sorrow.
In the Email, she said:
I had these relationships in the past where it seemed perfect, but you know, I think women have sensitive hearts and even though guys seem like they are giving a lot of love, you can feel the 1-10% of his heart that he is holding back which makes us feel insecure. In the end, it's hard to find someone who can really love you completely...which is one of the reasons I became a Christian because I realized that if I don't learn to love completely (without selfishness or self-defense), I will never have the relationship I desire.
We must become what we seek. We all are imperfect, and need help in building healthy and solid relationships. Though I have a lot of experiences I don't think it has helped me, rather it has tainted me more than anything.
That's why I decided to take a break (2 and a half years) without dating. I wanted to redefine myself as an individual and not always get caught in the romance and drama, which always resulted in disappointment and pain.
So, at church on Sunday the minister talked about four kinds of love, the first being erotic, second family love, third, brotherly, and the fourth is called AGAPE, which is Godly love in which there is no self. I think the only kind of love that can fulfill is the fourth kind, when both people work towards eliminating self and work towards the spiritual growth of the other. You might try reading, "The Road Less Traveled" by Scott Peck, it's a great book about love!
Here is my reply to her:
There are men who are just as sensitive as women are. Among my circle of male friends, I see sensitive men everywhere. Honestly, I don't think there is such a thing as the Perfect Relationship. If you are willing to Sacrifice / Compromise, then your relationship will work and it will seem perfect to you and your loved one.
Most of us have certain hang-ups toward relationships. If two people cannot be better when they are together, then they are better off alone.
Yes it is hard to find someone who will love us completely. On the other hand, can we love someone 100% without holding back? I hold back from men occasionally and I take it as a sign that it’s my intuition trying to tell me something.
Yes you are right. We must become what we seek. I agree with that saying wholeheartedly. People tend to look for whatever is missing in their life through their loved one. That is not fair.
It seems that your experience in the love department has not been pleasant. Well, you live and learn, right? Perhaps you have overlooked the positive qualities in the relationships you’ve had. I only reminisce the good times I’ve had and remember the good in people. Hardship in breakups always seems painful and heart wrenching. It builds characters that way and supposedly, it teaches you how to look on the bright side!
One of my ex-boyfriends has done me so wrong to a point where he knows that he will have to pay for what he did to me. It’s karma. Goes around Comes around. Come what may, I only wish him the best despite the pains I endured thanks to his poor judgment.
In this lifetime we are supposed to fulfill all four different kinds of love. You cannot get one and not the rest. Otherwise your life won’t be complete. When I don’t love myself enough, I can’t love others. Everything starts from SELF and you work your way up.
You can try to open up a bit and you will realize that there are a lot of decent people (especially men!) out there. You are a good person and people with similar qualities will gravitate toward each other. After all, it is a wonderful world we live in!
