A Growing Phenomenon In the West
I’m sure that you have read many reports in recent years about an increasingly common phenomenon: after graduating from college, kids are moving back home – the home they once loathed during high school years. They applied for out-of-state universities so that they could leave home precisely the day after their high school graduation.
In today’s society, many children return home when they are barely scraping by. They realize that it may take more than a college degree to become self-sufficient.
In the West, this is a revolutionary trend in modern sociology. However, Chinese people have always kept their kids at home until they get married. Oftentimes, the eldest son stills lives with his parents whether he is married or not.
Here At Home
I don’t even think my sister liked school that much but she was in it for nearly 10 years. I seriously suspect that either she didn’t know what to do with her life and the thought of leaving school became terrifying or she knew that she would have to live with my parents again after school was over. However, performing arts like music can take up years of studying.
She finally finished school this past summer. Since then, Mom has been nagging her about coming home because, “It won’t be long before you get married and start your own family. This is your last chance to live with this family before your life enters a new era as a wife and possibly a mother,” she said.
I got the same preach from my parents when I finished school and look at where I am living now? My parent’s house! I take no shame in it because my parents justified it with such a good cause.
There is nothing wrong with living in my parents’ house. In fact, the two-level apartment is big enough to fit all five of us and it is equipped with everything you need and more. It is comfortable, not to mention the home theater system, surround sound stereo, and a Lifestyle stationary exercise bike.
In addition, everything is paid for. I don’t have to worry about rent, food or utility bills. My mom hires a domestic helper to clean the house weekly. I’m free from most house chores that I used to handle when I lived alone.
Every time I have friends over, they always compliment on the house, saying it is magnificent. The décor throughout the house has a Chinese antique theme. My laundry hamper is an old wooden bucket with two rusty rims holding it together.
Most of the time there are only three of us living here, my mom, my brother and me because my dad works in China and my sister is in the States for school. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the dog…my mom calls him her fourth child.
More often than not, our family tends to live apart. i.e. Last year I was in San Francisco and my brother was in the military, leaving my mom by herself with the dog. The year before, I had the whole house to myself (and the dog) since my brother just entered the army and my mom went to live with my sister in the States. I enjoyed it and had a blast! If we went back a few more years, I was in San Francisco while my sister was in Miami and my brother was in boarding school.
All the years in the States, I chose to live alone because my roommate experiences had always been miserable. Living alone took me no time to getting used to. It came natural to me. I loved to be able to walk around my apartment naked if I felt like it and eat ice cream straight out of the container in bed if I was in the mood (how can you resist Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia flavor?). It was Nobody’s business if I happened to bring home an overnight guest or a hottie dropped by my doorstep in the middle of the night.
After living abroad on my own for years, the thought of living under my parents’ roof was unbearable. I decided to stay put in the beginning and began shopping around for an ideal apartment. My dad was furious when he heard that I was looking to move out. He snubbed and proclaimed, “Over My Dead Body!”
That was the first time and the last time I ever thought about moving out. Dad’s explanation was the same as my mom’s idea. We will forever lose the chance to live together like one family as soon as one of the three siblings is hitched.
Perhaps my parents believe in that saying, “Children should be seen, not heard.”
The 4th Child In Our Family
Meet the Parents – Part 1 – You Cannot Possibly Be Interested In My Daughter
Now the moment of the truth. When it comes to meeting my boyfriends, I have to hand it to my parents. They neither make judgments upon the first meeting nor show any slight dismay or dislike.
My parents respect my choice of mate. Maybe they give me too much credit and believe that I always make the right decision. Or they cannot comment much since they never get to see the whole picture. When the possibility of marriage popped up, that’s the only time they would ask much about my boyfriend and his family. It only has happened once so far.
My mom likes to ask silly questions when she meets my boyfriends.
Meeting Joe Blow #1
Mom: “Why do you like my daughter?”
Joe Blow #1: “She has a great personality.”
Mom: “No!!!! Seriously, you must like her because of her appearance or her sex appeal.
Joe Blow #1: “She is a lot of fun to be around…a well-rounded personality!”
Mom: “Uh-huh. Are you aware of her tantrum? She is quite temperamental!”
Meeting Joe Blow #2
Mom: “In your opinion, what is my daughter’s alluring quality?”
Joe Blow #2: “She is charming and full of life. She is like an energizer bunny!”
Mom: “Are you sure? Are you saying that you don’t care for her look?”
Joe Blow #2: “Don’t get me wrong. She’s beautiful and yet she has more to offer than just a pretty exterior.”
Mom: “Yeah. You like her because she looks pretty. As her mother, I gotta tell you…my daughter is quite eccentric.”
It seems like my mom almost feels sorry for the guys who date me and she warns them about my short fuse underneath my optimistic personality. She sometimes takes sides in favor of my boyfriend or she speaks up for the guy who lives under my tyranny.
Meeting the Parents – Part 2 – Your Girlfriend Is A Tyrant!
The first time my mom had dinner with my Latin boyfriend and I was at a somewhat fancy Thai restaurant. She said to him, “Please order whatever you like. It is my treat tonight.”
When the waiter came over to take our order, I started pointing at all the things I wanted in the menu. Papaya Salad, Green Curry Chicken, Shrimp Tom Yum, Steamed Seabass etc.
Mom: “What would you like? You have not ordered anything yet.”
Boyfriend: “That’s okay. She ordered enough for all of us.”
Mom: “You can order something you like.”
Boyfriend: “She is good at ordering food. When we go out, she is in charge of the ordering.”
Mom: “You should not let her boss you around like that. Would you like something to drink?”
Boyfriend: “I’m used to it. Actually, can I get a Tsingtao?”
Mom: “Sure. Let me tell the waiter.”
I gave him an evil eye and cancelled the Tsingtao before the waiter walked away.
Mom seemed upset and said to me, “You are so rude. He obviously wants a drink. Why did you do that?”
Gosh. I cannot understand why he needs beer to go with every meal, even when we dine with my mother for the first time. As far as I'm concerned, that beer can wait.
When my sister broke up with her childhood sweetheart for the last time, he called my mom almost everyday and could not stop sobbing on the phone. My mom listened to the poor guy, tried to reason with him why it wouldn’t work, and condemned my sister for being a heartbreaker.
Meeting the Parents – Part 3 – Breakfast, Anyone?
My ex from Dallas was seriously concerned when he was about to stay with me at my parents’ house for the first time.
JC: “Maybe it’s not a good idea to stay in your room. I should just stay in the guest room.”
Me: “Are you kidding me? So much for spending the night together and I can’t get some service??? Your ass is going to be on my bed.”
JC: “Y’know. If we ever go visit my parents, they will definitely put you in the guest room.”
Me: “Well, in that case, maybe we will never go visit them.”
The next day, as soon as he walked out my room with his brief, there was my dad, practicing Tai Chi in the living room. “Good morning,” my dad greeted him.
He rushed back to my room, “Gosh. I just met your dad and I didn’t even have a shirt on!”
“Okay. Good for you.” I rolled over and went back to sleep.
Then there was a knock on my door followed by a cheerful voice, “Wakey-Wakey! Do you want breakfast?”
Perhaps after years of raising such a moody, stubborn, picky, and plain difficult child like me, my parents have learned to become more accommodating. They can be so accommodating like you wouldn’t believe!
My college graduation was coming up. My parents’ plan was to fly in from overseas and stay at a hotel close to my apartment. Why?
Mom: “Daddy and I can stay at a hotel so that your boyfriend can be with you. He has to travel 300 miles to come for you.”
Me: “Mum…what’s 300 miles comparing to 6,000 miles? He can stay with friends.”
By now, you are probably thinking, “Cool Parents!” Yes, you are right. My folks are quite awesome!
I am grateful for such unconventional parents who raised me and spoiled me more than they should have. Without their generosity, I could be homeless now. It will be hard when it’s time to leave home and move on to the next stage in life.
What are the chances of finding another cozy home as nice as this one? Probably none. After all, my family is the greatest blessing in my life. My home is where they will always love me unconditionally.
