Family Reunion
My younger sister is in Singapore for two weeks. After she arrived in…as I like to call it “Sing-a-whore”, she realized that she would have a few days off in-between. Then she asked my mom to go visit her. As clever as my mom is, she flew my sister in because all of us are in Taiwan now. My dad is in town for two weeks. The timing could not be better…almost perfect. The last time she came to Taiwan was last December and she even brought her boyfriend along. I was in San Francisco at the time. My sister and I have not seen each other since I went to visit her in Baltimore in March 2003.
My sister came in Friday morning and that night, it was the first time that our family (five of us) went out for a family dinner together in a long time. Kind of a historical moment. Because since I left home in 1990, my dad moved to China to start another business, then my sister followed my lead in 1994, we had been living under different roofs.
There is always someone missing. I am the only one who missed my brother’s grade school graduation and he is the only person who missed my college graduation. And I can’t seem to remember if any of us made it to my sister’s college graduation. However, I do recall going to Miami during the college freshman week when she began school at Florida International University.
Three’s Company
In all fairness, I think that my siblings and I don’t have a close relationship as most siblings do. My best friends probably know more about what’s going on in my life than they do. It’s not that we dislike each other. In fact, we are very fond of each other. In spite of our lack of communication, we do have a bond and get along well whenever we see each other. My brother…Despite being the youngest (he turned 25 this past March), he has provided financial help for both my sister and I when we were in need but couldn’t go to our parents. What a sweetheart!
I believe that we could have grown a stronger relationship if we had all lived together during our growing pain years. Both my siblings spent years in boarding schools. Therefore, we hardly saw each other, let alone spending time together.
My brother, unlike my sister and I, did not care for the education in the States. My parents have talked to him many times about pursuing a higher degree outside of Taiwan but he never seemed interested. I can’t help but make a mockery of the status quo. Now, among the three of us, he is the only one with a real job and yet he’s the only one who is entirely educated locally. I wonder if that makes my folks sigh and regret sending my sister and me to the States.
My sister’s visit is all about food, shopping, more food, more shopping and a trip to the hair salon. In Taiwan, you can a wash, a cut, a blow dry, and a neck and shoulder massage for USD $5. On Saturday, my parents went to my grandmother’s house for their weekly gathering as usual, leaving the three of us at home. Anyway, my sister suggested that we should head to the salon because she needed a haircut and so did my brother. I believe this is the first time we did something like this together. After being pampered, we had a nice dinner in a nearby restaurant.
The night before my sister returned to Singapore, we made history by taking this picture on my bed. The last time we had our picture taken was during our family trip to Europe in July 1990.
We are making history!
The Wedding Blue
My sister’s last minute visit was supposed to end on Sunday but she extended her stay for one more night in order to attend a cousin's wedding. One of our younger cousins got married recently. The reception was in Vancouver, Canada but her parents wanted to have a gathering for the relatives in Taiwan.
Every time I attend a relative’s wedding, the wedding is more than a ceremony to celebrate the union of two people. It is also a family reunion. More often than not, I meet people who seem to know me but I have vague ideas about who they are.
I didn’t recognize my cousin as she stood by the door to greet the guests with her husband. My sister and I thought she was just the reception lady whose job is to lead the guests to their assigned seats. Then we saw all these other cousins and they seemed like total strangers. If they were to pass by me on the street, I wouldn’t even take a second look. I had a faraway look on my face when they smiled at me as I walked by their table. It’s either my memory is failing me or they have undergone plastic surgeries. Honestly, if they are who they claimed to be, they looked nothing like the way I remember them. They are supposedly my cousins. As I looked at them, I thought, “Who are you people? Where would I know you? What are your names again? Well, they don’t ring a bell.”
This is a problem if you have a large extended family like mine. I simply can’t keep track of everyone’s name. Sometimes they look familiar to me but I don’t know what their names are. Last month my cousin from San Francisco was in town for a two-week visit. Cindy and I are close buds despite our age difference (6 years apart). My mom arranged for a family dinner. It turned out great – Cindy and I met a cousin we have not seen since he was a baby and that was almost 15 years ago! I had an image of him as a toddler with an enormous head. He still has a huge head but he is now in high school.
Attending a wedding like this always clicks some sort of a trigger in my mom’s brain. She takes pride in being a modern parent but there are times she is not as open-minded as she thinks she is. My older cousins are all married and now the younger ones are hurrying to hit the altar, too. This abnormal phenomenon is affecting my mom’s psych.
You see, the cousin who just got married is younger than my sister and I. Her brother has been married for two years now and he is younger than we are as well. It would have been better if they were older because my mom would not start nagging us about being single.
On our way to the wedding, she and my sister were talking about one of my sister’s friend who has a boyfriend whom her parents don’t approve. As much as she wants to get married, she will not walk down the isle with her boyfriend because of her parents. “In spite of whatever their parents might say about the partners they choose, most kids will go ahead with it anyway. Your friend’s parents are rather traditional,” said mom.
While my mom’s comment on other parents still resonates in the car, she simply can’t hold it back anymore. With a pissy tone, she said to my sister, “You and your boyfriend should just get married. You don’t get any younger (that is my mom’s ultimate favorite line!). Usually, people get married first and then they move in together. Now that you two are living together, marriage is the next step. You and your sister...I don’t know what you two are waiting for. I bet your sister probably had moved in with some of her boyfriends in the past!”
My sister moved in with her boyfriend three months ago. They now live in New Haven. It is too early to tell if they can deal with living together because they have not spent time together under the same roof due to their hectic schedules.
My sister cultivated the living together idea in my mom’s mind way ahead of the actual move took place. She did it mostly for the financial reason. They spent so much time together and it seemed like a waste of money to have separate places. They have been together for two years now.
My mom is totally losing it. It is inevitable to bring up the topic of marriage when you attend a wedding. The fact that all three of us are single fazes my mom. My brother says he does not have a girlfriend but I think he does. I don’t see a platinum band on my ring finger yet. My sister is the closest one to being hitched because she’s already living with the guy.
My sister explains that the move-in idea is simply for the sake of saving money. Even though she is not ruling out having kids in the future, she believes that marriage is for people who are ready to have kids. Moreover, she doesn’t see the connection between living together, marriage, and having kids. She and her live-in boyfriend have not talked about marriage and she is not about to bring it up if he doesn’t initiate it first.
The Birthday Blue
My 31st birthday is quickly approaching. Age is relative. When I was 25, 30 seemed ancient. In my early 20s, I was growing old before my time. Now I’m 31, I am feeling behind my actual age.
I’m single and have no career prospects. In my extended family, I’m sort of a legend. Among all the spoiled brats in my generation, supposedly I’m one of the few who made it without the family’s assistance. You have to understand one thing. I have some filthy rich cousins who had never had a job, including some that are married with children. In their minds, I was hot stuff because I was on national radio and people knew me. Even though I have left the broadcasting industry 18 months ago, they still remember me by my 30 seconds of fame. At my cousin’s wedding, someone pointed me out and the voice said, “Is that the girl from the radio?”
It made me a little uncomfortable. Obviously, I have not done anything worth mentioning since the radio gig. All of a sudden, I feel this pressure to outdo myself. People still refer to me as the girl on the radio because I have nothing new on my plate in order to take away the radio image. What do I do now?
For the past seven or eight years, birthdays are not what they used to be. A month before the big day, the pressure to succeed begins to intensify and the expectation to settle down escalates. I wonder if there is an end to this vicious cycle.
