How Far Is Too Far To Protect Your Kids
My mom was very protective of her kids; at least that was the case when I was growing up. By way of precaution, she would dress us in pants 90% of the time. It was a preventive measurement. In case we would fall down, we wouldn’t end up with ugly scars. In the summertime when it’s insanely humid, hot and sticky, she would still make us wear long pants to ward off the mosquitoes.
"Mom, it's crazy hot out there. Can I just put on a skirt for the purpose of ventilation?" I begged and pleaded.
She just ignored me and said, "You will thank me when you grow up."
I always feel so left out when my friends show off their bodily scars caused by childhood injuries.
"Do you see this big scar on my right knee? Yeah…I got that when I was like five. One day, I was riding in a swing. Then I decided that I would jump off the swing in a Superman style. Like both arms in the air. BAM! I lost my balance and .my knees hit the ground. I was bleeding badly and crying like a baby!"
"Ewww! That's gruesome. I have nothing for show for!" I said with an apologetic smile.
As a result, all three of us were scar-free until my mother no longer dictated what we would wear. Then we started getting ugly scars from mosquito bites and random falls. It’s funny how we became accident-prone as soon as we were free to choose what to wear.
My friend says that her one-year-old baby always starts crying the minute she puts him down. He wants 100% attention at all time. She wants to get on the computer and check some Emails. So, she puts him on her lap. Before she can turn on the monitor, he begins screaming. Peace and quiet becomes a mission impossible when you have kids.
"I guess I am raising him to be too dependent." she tells me.
I wonder if the way you raise a baby has anything to do with the development of the baby's personality. i.e. my mom said I was a quiet baby. Most babies would scream on the top of their lungs just to get some attention. I wouldn’t cry my heart out as I woke up and found myself all alone. I would just roll around the bed and play with toys. I didn’t have any trouble being alone as a baby; as a grownup, I certainly embrace independence and the freedom to do things on my own.
Maybe my friend's baby will grow up to be someone who is afraid of being alone and needs company with him as a security blanket.
With My Mom
How Far Is Too Far To Prevent Your Man From Cheating
I am a drama queen by default. Minding my own business simply is not good enough. Drama always happens when I least expect it. Most of my ex-boyfriends like to keep in touch with me. What can I say? I’m just a fun person. It’s unfortunate our relationship didn’t work out but we should keep our friendship. Why can’t we be friends? I sincerely believe that it is possible for ex-lovers to remain friends. However, I find out that their girlfriends beg to differ.
She Wanted To Know If I Was Still Doing Him
Ray and I dated very briefly. It didn’t survive past the three-month mark. However, we’ve remained friends for over 10 years now. I know all the nitty-gritty details in his relationships with other women. Every time he becomes slightly serious with someone new, he makes sure that I meet her and asks for opinions afterwards.
About eight years ago, my phone was ringing at 9 o’clock on a Saturday morning. I really didn’t want to pick it up. Who would wake up at this ungodly hour and decide to call up someone?
Me: Ummm, you had better have a good reason to wake my ass up. Do you know what time it is? Is this an emergency? Did someone die?
Ray: Good morning, Yang (he likes to call me Yang for no obvious reason except for it is my last name)…I would like you to meet someone. Do you have time for dinner tonight?
Me: That depends on where you want to go. I had Thai food last night. So, if you're thinking of Thai for tonight, I will pass.
Ray: We'll have whatever you want. I have breaking news. This is really exciting.
Me: Oh yeah…bring it on!
Ray: Let me ask you this first. What will you do if you're pregnant with my baby?
Me: Gosh, YIKES…NO…TAKE IT OUT OF ME ASAP. I'd rather die than have your baby.
Ray: C'mon. I'm serious.
Me: So am I. You did not wake me up to ask me this! Okay, I'm gonna go back to sleep. Call me when you have a plan for tonight.
Ray: (his voice trembling) Kate is PREGNANT! Isn't this exciting? I'm gonna be a dad (his voice filled with joy)!
Me: (jumping out of my bed) Who is Kate? Is she the one you refer to as the psycho girlfriend? Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into if she decides to keep this baby???
Ray: I was hoping you'd be supportive.
Me: I wish you hadn't done that. This is not the time to be a thrill-seeker! Having a baby doesn't improve a troubled relationship.
Months later, on a Monday morning, I had just come back from visiting my boyfriend in L.A. for the weekend. Ray offered to pick me up from the airport since he lived only five minutes away. When he picked me up by the curbside, I was surprised to see Kate sitting in the front seat. It was the first time we met and she was already five month pregnant.
On the way back to San Francisco, Ray decided to make a quick stop at a stationary shop in Daly City.
"This will only take a minute. I'll be right back," he said.
He just left me in the car with Kate. We were ALONE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Kate: How was L.A.? Did you have fun?
Me: Oh, it was wonderful. Thanks for asking. My boyfriend and I take turns to visit each other on the weekends. Otherwise, we’ll never get to see each other. How’s your pregnancy so far?
Kate: Just fine…Did Ralph tell you? We are going to have a baby boy!
Me: Congratulations! That’s great news. You must be very excited.
Kate: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure. What is it?
Kate: Are you sleeping with Ralph? I swear…he’s getting laid elsewhere because we hardly have sex ever since I got pregnant.
I wanted to hit my head against the window. It was the most absurd question I’ve ever heard! She obviously was unaware of my remark I'd rather die than have your baby.
I maintained my poise and decided to give her the assurance that would put a stop on this crazy assumption.
Me: Don’t you worry about a thing. I’m your least worry. Let me put it bluntly. If he’s the last man standing on earth, I just might become a lesbian. No offense and don’t take this the wrong way. He’s a nice guy and it’s great that you two decided to have this baby together. HE IS NOT MY CUP OF TEA!
Kate: (a bit embarrassed) Oh…I am not worried about you. You have a boyfriend now, right?
Heck yeah! You got that right. Some people break up because of differences. We broke up because I was not crazy about his bedroom skill. Sex with him was like Driving Miss Daisy. He could be Morgan Freeman all he wanted but I was not going to be Jessica Tandy.
9 1/2 weeks would be more like it. Thank you very much!
She Wanted To Know If I Had Seen Him
My ex from Dallas now has a lovely girlfriend. They really don’t have any problems except for one: the issue of TRUST.
18 months ago, she broke into his computer while he took a business trip to Germany. Smart girl! She found my contact info and tried to track me down by signing in as my ex on MSN Messenger. When the MSN window popped up, I thought it was weird because he was supposed to be in Germany and wouldn’t have access to his computer while he’s away.
She soon identified herself as my ex's girlfriend as if she was marking her territory.
It was a surprise. Her name was familiar. I knew who she was – the girlfriend before me but I had no idea that they had gotten back together. When I was present tense, she was the ex. After our breakup, she obviously got her title back as the girlfriend and I became the ex-factor.
"When did you see him last?" it said in the MSN Messenger Pop-up window.
“I had just driven him to the airport a few days ago.” I replied.
Hacking into my ex’s computer just opened up a Pandora ’s Box. She didn’t know that he had kept in touch with me and I didn’t know that they rekindled their relationship.
He had it coming and he got no one else to blame but himself. I wonder if he would tell me when they became serious and decided to walk down the isle together. Days later, when he called me from Dallas to apologize, I was so mad that my whole body was quivering. I had never been this angry with anyone and I couldn’t stop scolding him. I was his least problem. The bigger problem awaited him in California.
Honesty is the best policy. In this relationship, apparently honesty costs them nothing but troubles. She has a serious insecurity issue. She cannot understand why he needs to have female friends other than her. She forbids him from talking to anyone who's the opposite sex, including the checkout cashier girls in the grocery store and co-workers in the office. She goes through his phone bill statement every month and looks for suspicious digits. She snoops around his room and looks for traces of ex-girlfriends and former flings. She hit the jackpot when she found a shoebox full of pictures and love letters from his past relationships.
Our first informal introduction didn't just end there. After the incident, I am wary of seeing him on MSN because more than 90% of the time, it is her signing in. I have received sporadic Emails from her asking me to back off. In one of her random Emails, she mentions that he has promised to cut off all communications with me and I can expect him to disappear from my life forever.
It takes two to tango. Despite her severe insecurity, I don't know if he does much to improve the situation. He turns a blind eye when he finds Emails that are news to him have been marked as PREVIOUSLY READ. He tries to give her the benefit of the doubt and asks if she's been snooping around his Emails. She always denies it and tells him what a serious offence that is and he should find out the person behind the prank as soon as possible. It keeps happening again and again. Often he is one-step too late to read his newly arrived Emails.
Deep down, he has hopes. He wants her to work toward trusting him and respecting his privacy. I wonder if she can ever stop snooping. When you get away with wrongdoing time after time, it does not seem so wrong anymore.
This seemingly perfect long-term relationship is very close to becoming a permanent deal. However, the issue of insecurity fazes him and stops him when he has the impulse to take a step further. She doesn't know that her habit of invading her man's privacy has seriously ruined their chance of making it as a married couple.
When in doubt, leave out. If you can't trust a man's integrity, what's the point of being with him? Besides, if a man wants to cheat, there's nothing you can do to stop him.
A boyfriend once said, "All men cheat. If they are not cheating, they are thinking about cheating. If they are not thinking about cheating, they are thinking about how not to cheat." There. That is a man's confession.
It is a common belief that a cheater is always a cheater. He did it once and he will do it again. Is there any truth to that? I dunno. I would like to give everyone a second chance regardless of his or her track record. Everyone deserves to start over with a clean slate.
